Be Flexible with Changes In Your Plans

Once I get something in my mind (a plan) it can be hard to let go of it and go with the flow. Many of us were taught to some degree, that success requires perseverance. At the same time however, inflexibility creates an enormous amountof stress and it’s often irritating and insensitive to other people.

I do most of my writing in the early hours of the morning. I have a goal to spend time with God and write before anyone wakes up. But sometimes my husband and my plans have been altered.

There are countless, examples for all of us, times when our plans suddenly change, something we thought was going to take place doesn’t, someone doesn’t do what they said they would do, you make less money than you thought you would, someone changes your plans without your consent, you have less time than have previously planned something unexpected comes up and on and on it goes. The question you ask yourself is, what’s really important?

We often use the excuse of it’s natural to be frustrated when our plans change. It depends on where your priorities are. Is it important to stick to a rigid writing schedule or to be available for my husband? Is missing a 1-hour show on television worth getting upset over to go help someone in need. The important question is; What’s more important, getting what I want, and keeping my plans or learning to go with the flow? To become a more peaceful person, you must prioritize being flexible over rigidity most of the time, obviously, there will be exceptions. It’s helpful to expect that a certain percentage of the time things will change.

You will find that if you create the goal to become more flexible, some wonderful things will begin to happen. You’ll feel more relaxed, but you won’t sacrifice any productivity. I’ve learned I am able to keep most of my deadlines and achieve most of my goals. The people around you will be more relaxed too. They won’t feel like their walking on eggshells and neither will you.

Do You Feel Like Your Not Enough?

Have you ever wondered where the internalized message of ”I’m not good enough” comes from? Do you feel you give your best, work hard, try-hard, but can’t give yourself enough credit? Are you constantly beating yourself up and thinking that somehow you should do more, do more, be better, and you don’t measure up in your own kind?

Understanding emotionally and freeing yourself from old negative messages is a journey of recovery which takes some serious work. When we make changes. We need to take a cognitive leap of understanding first and it takes our emotional being to catch up so that our head and gut are saying the same thing.

But how does the message of I’m not good enough get internalized? Where does this come from? Think about small children and how impressionable they are, how they soak up life, and trying to learn and understand the world around them. And, the most important thing to them is gaining love and affection from anyone around them. They do not yet have a worldly or experienced understanding of human behavior or why people behave in a certain way. They’re main goal is to be loved, and this is what every child deserves.

Some examples are dysfunctional families like the alcoholic family. A child does not understand why the alcoholic parent is sometimes there for them and sometimes not, depending on the substance usage. In a narcissistic family, the child doesn’t narcissistic understand that the narcissistic parents not capable of empathy or real love. In abusive families with domestic violence, the child does not understand why parents are acting in horrible ways and not seeming to tune into how that affects children. So given that the child’s goal is to be loved and cared for, the child begins to try to fix the parent’s problems so they can achieve their goal. They don’t do this consciously, of course, it can begin at a very young age. Only if I was a better kid, this would not be happening, only if I could do better in school, my mother or father wouldn’t treat me this way. Maybe she could see or hear me, she would be happier. Maybe If I stayed out of Daddy way he wouldn’t drink so much. Kids want peace, love, and harmony in their lives and need to thrive emotionally. If it’s not there, they will try to fix it by trying to be a better and better kid, or they can act the opposite and act out to get their parents to focus on them. They are learning and internalized that no matter what they do they cannot fix their parent’s problems. They are kids, and of course, this is not going to fix their problems. Many times parents blame their children or project onto their children the bad feelings the parent is feeling at that time.

Children know no differently how their parents treat them. They can think It must be my fault if my parent is mean to me, or can’t love me. I must be unlovable. Do the child ends up carrying the emotional baggage of the family and takes on the burden. If only I could do more.

Just because a child grows up and leaves it doesn’t mean that the internalized message goes away. So the negative message of I couldn’t fix it, so I’m not good enough remains strong. I’m going to leave and give my parents peace tonight but they didn’t even notice I was gone, that didn’t work, I’m not good enough. The negative messages can not be undone. Adults have to use the technique of self- affirmations by telling themselves, that they are okay. Sometimes this form takes uncovering the deeper trauma investing inside the brain and then releasing it.

For some people, this is hard because everyone wants to believe and for others to believe that we came from caring nurturing families. It is normal to deny and rationalize in our heads. It’s easier to make up the perfect family than to stand in the courage of your money truth and expand resolve our own trauma.

When we accept the way our lives were and work on fixing ourselves rather than put up a smokescreen we can start healing and realize our parent’s ways we’re not our problems to fix. We are good enough.

God’s grace is sufficient for you, that you can be children of God, what love God has lavished on us. And that is who we are.

Breathe Before You Speak

This strategy has a remarkable result for everyone. Yet it’s seldom thought about.

With almost immediate results it includes increased patience, added perspective, and the added benefit of gratitude and respect for others.

The strategy is simple. It involves nothing more than pausing-breathing after the person finishes speaking. At first, the time between your voices may seem like an eternity but the reality is only a matter of a second of actual time. We can get used to the power of breathing and learn to appreciate it as well. All it takes is intention and practice.

If you observe the conversations around you, you’ll notice that when we wait for a chance to speak. We’re really listening to the other person but waiting for an opening to express our point of view.

I do this all the time, for me, it brings the thought that people don’t care about you. Or what you have to say.

It seems like we are spurring back and forth like fighters rather than enjoying or learning from the conversation. Sometimes with our poor listening skills, it’s a miracle that we have any friends at all.

I spent most of my life waiting for my turn to speak. I have felt like people have no respect for me or care what I have to say. Or people think I’m stupid. Of course, these are just feelings.

Think Of What You Have Instead Of What You Want

Most people focus on what they want instead of what they have. It doesn’t make any difference how much we have, we just keep expanding our list of wants. Which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied. The mindset that says “I’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled” is the same mindset that will repeat itself once that desire is met.

I have a family member who found a house to buy, he said it was the perfect house, when he and his family started moving in he was saying he wanted something even bigger. He isn’t alone many people want the same thing. They want this and that. If they don’t get it they keep thinking about all they don’t have- they remain dissatisfied.

If we do get what the we want, we simply re-create the sam thinking in our new circumstances. So despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy. Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for what we can’t have.

When we can change the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have. Rather than wishing our partner was different, try thinking about their wonderful qualities. Instead of complaining about your salary, be grateful that you have a job. Rather than wishing you were able to go on a vacation to the ocean, think of how much fun you have had close to home. Each time you notice yourself falling into the “I wish life were different” trap, back of and start over. Take a breath and remember all you have to be thankful for.

When you focus not on what you want but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want. If you focus on the good qualities your partner has, they will be more loving. If you stop complaining about your job and focus on the good things about your job you’ll do better at your job and probably end up getting a raise.

Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. Perhaps the first time in your life, you’ll know what it means to feel satisfied.

Finding Your True Self

To thine own self be true in other words don’t try to be someone else. Be yourself. But, who am I and how do I discover my true self? Is my true self who I think I am? Or is it what others say? Which of the many voices that seek to define me are accurate?

In the book of Jeremiah he Wrote God’s words. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord searches the heart and examine the mind to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve. Here God highlights what we need help in defining ourself because we are given to inaccuracies. He offers Himself as the One who accurately reads our hearts.

We are a Made for Connection with God.

We are born with a body, soul and spirit, and our spirit longs for connection with God.

We are all raised in a particular context, that of our family of origin or household, each of us has a back story that continues to influence us today.

The journey toward awakening begins with God and His initiative to reveal, Himself to us. What is true about God can begin to beauty and wonder in the physical world. The knowledge of God’s majesty, power and existence is innate to us.

We have a inborn morality that points to God. He stirs or awakens a spiritual thirst or hunger to know him.

In the physical world many tend to search for something (anything) that will fill us. We can go on and on trying to fill that hole we feel inside. I searched for years for something that would feel the void I felt inside. Until I found God or He found me. I am completely full now. I search no more.

Dissatisfaction and desperation find us living life on our own terms. When we come acknowledge our need for God. Our desperation for peace and friendship with Him provides life, forgiveness and meaning in Jesus. Once we connect with God, then His description, interpretations and understandings become definitive for us. I know myself truly as I know God and live with Him.

Christian Counseling can be a valuable asset to self-discovery. A Christian counselor can help to pose key questions, reframe conclusions and offer different ideas. They can provide a setting in which you experience a different way of relating and work through your process with support.

I have had the opportunity to see a Christian counselor and it changed my entire perspective on life. It was a great blessing.

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