From Pity to Praise

When I realized I needed to start living differently and make some deferent changes to my life. I knew I had to become comfortable in my own skin.

Everyone is born with flaws no-one is perfect. We need to accept ourselves and what we are born with, whether it be your background, your skin, your nose, your hair, your freckles or anything else. You have to accept yourself for who you are and love yourself.

This was extremely difficult for me because of the emotional neglect in my background as a child. When you are constantly told you will never amount to anything or your stupid it takes a toll on you, it took years to get to this point. But, I would look at myself in the mirror everyday (no matter how stupid I felt) and tell myself I loved me, I am a kind person, I would amount to something.

Not being comfortable with yourself is the number one happiness killer. Because if your not comfortable in your own skin. It becomes the biggest concern on top of your mind everyday. It kills your self-esteem, your self-confidence and the happiness that comes deep from within.

If you find it hard because other people discriminate or make judgements about you, distance yourself from people who are shallow and narrow-minded. You are better than that. Prove it to them and yourself that you are capable and talented in so many other ways. Surround yourself with people who value the same things you do, and leave the bad people attitudes behind.

See the positive in every situation. Yes you will always run into unfortunate situations in life that are out of your control. You can choose to feel sad, annoyed, angry, or stressed about the situation or turn it around and focus on the positive. You can choose to be stuck in a bad situation or let go, move on and start again.

Stay motivated. If you can simply live life and appreciate what you have and acknowledge everyone is different and stop comparing yourself to others you will experience joy and happiness in your life. Remember the grass is always greener on the other side but their story is different than yours, you don’t know the whole story. This will be a battle won for you.

Appreciate what you have and never compare yourself to others, wishing your was like theirs, you face was like theirs, your body was like theirs. Will cause you to burn with jealousy and it will set you back on what you’re trying to accomplish. You will never truly be happy if you keep looking outside and wishing you had what you don’t.

Learn from failure or bad experience and never repeat the same mistake twice. It’s like going around a mountain 100 times and get back where to started, if you make the same mistakes over and over you will end up with the same results. Every setback and bad situation in life teaches you something. Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. Take it S an opportunity to train your mind to be stronger, more resilient, and more equipped to be able to deal with things life throws at you.

Let go of you need to control. Control makes to feel secure. But at the same time, with control you also lose freedom. It’s. Confusing, when you try to control your life, situations, and sometimes others, you do so because you want to feel more secure.

However, when you feel more secure because you take control of it, it lose control of yourself and very likely of those who you try to control. This is because you become dependent on the feeling of having control. And it can drive you crazy because things don’t always go as planned. Trying to control things will only drive other people away which will make you panic even more when that happens, but it also hinders you from achieving happiness from within.

Drop the resentment within. Most of the time you hold on to anger because you believe it would make the person you’re mad at upset and realize that they have done something wrong. But the fact is that you are actually hanging your self up on something that’s burning you within. When you’re mad at someone, the pain you are suffering is actually hurting you not them. When you hate someone, the fire is within your own mind and not bothering them one bit.

No matter what someone does to you- hurt you, look down on you, underestimate you, backstab you, abuse you, cheat on you, when you hold on to hatred, you hold on to hurt. Only when you learn to let go, you let your soul free from the pain. No matter what caused them to do certain things to you, the best thing you can do is to let go.

It will be hard to let go, you can start with meditation. Even meditating is hard because you need to control yourself not to think about anything while meditating. Begin by picturing a beautiful place you have been or want to go. I picture a field of yellow and grass and a olive tree way off in the distance and me sitting under that tree just resting in the warm sun with a cool breeze blowing. The key is to think about nothing not having a care in the world. Being able to control your thoughts and focus, and keep one’s mind at peace strengthens the minds muscles- this is the secret power of meditation.

The fire in only within you. The person you hate doesn’t feel hatred. Let it go, let it go.

Living in the moment. I believe that one of the reasons little kids and happy couples on dates are happy is because they live in the moment. They focus on what’s happening in front of them and pay attention to the person they are with. When you live in the moment and do your best, you just feel happy. Why wouldn’t you? You don’t worry about the the future, neither do you feel sad about the past. Don’t worry about tomorrow, tomorrow can worry about itself.

Taking every waking hour as it comes and do what you are supposed to do and complete what you’re supposed to complete. Just live in the moment and do your best.

Avoid over analyzing. This is what a lot of us do- over analyzing things from relationships to career and finances. Over analyzing is dwelling on or about something, thinking about it over and over, trying to dig deeper and deeper, because somehow you believe it could end up giving you a way out. When in doubt, over analyzing somehow gives us comfort. Most of the time we never actually get an answer but a set of worries.

In order to avoid over analyzing, we need to be more outspoken with people whom we have doubts about, take things as they come, and listen carefully to your intuition (gut).

Stop worrying about the future. Many of us worry about or future, our career, our health, and about the people we love. We worry because we are scared. However, worrying doesn’t change anything. If your worried about your health when you’re get older, then you should start eating healthy and exercise regularly. If you’re worried about finances, then you should start saving for a rainy day. If you’re worried about your kids, then encourage them to take actions to help ease your worries.

Remember that worrying about your love ones doesn’t actually make them better. It only affects your health and your blood pressure. Your love one will to take action themselves. All you can do is to encourage them and help them move towards the right direction for them.

Drop your ego and be true- we have our egos as our security guard that protects our self-esteem from being attacked. However, sometimes we become a victim to our own ego. This is when the ego takes control and we become too arrogant and act above ourselves. We distort the reality about us. We live an illusion. Sometimes we do so because it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Whatever it may be, letting go of your ego become your front shield actually hurts you more on the inside because you can’t be your true self. You just live with lies. In the end, you just can’t take anymore because you are just faking it. Over and over, you will become tired of it and feel like no one really understands you. This is when you realize that you will never be truly happy unless you stay true to yourself and others.

Have a open mind. Having a narrow mind can hurt you more than you think because naturally we as humans don’t like being disapproved of. We don’t like feeling like we’re wring because it makes us feel rejected and unaccepted.

So if you don’t have a open mind which means you stand firmly on your beliefs and ideas and oppose other who thinks otherwise, you will feel extremely agitated and uncomfortable when people with different beliefs are presented in front of you. If there is belief you are going to stand be ready to stand alone. When I make a Stand alone I go by an old instruction manual that has been around for 2000 years. Some don’t believe it or care about it and that’s their right. It’s the Holy Bible if it’s in there it’s true.I cannot be swayed to open my mind. This book has never steered me wrong.

On The other hand, if you don’t have a open mind, be open to hearing about the different beliefs. In fact, you should embrace the differences, and want to understand it better, and become adaptable and flexible in what they have to say. You wouldn’t have a fight with yourself in accepting others. You should feel at ease with their differences. You can accept someone for their beliefs and feel positive in not seeing things their way. Just because you have different beliefs doesn’t mean you can’t respect them for it.

These are lyrics are to a song I heard many years ago. They inspired me to keep trying and not give up on trying to be better person everyday. And striving to be a better person than I was yesterday. It song has touched me.

You Are More- Tenth North Avenue

There’s a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she’s wondered
And the shame she can’t hide

She says how did I get here?
I’m not who I once was.
And I’m crippled in fear
That I’ve fallen too far to love

But, don’t you know who you are?
What’s been done for you?
Yeah don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes 
You are more than the problems you create
You’ve been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she’s been given new life
But, she can’t shake the feeling 
That it’s not true tonight

She know all the answers
She’s rehearsed all the lines
And so she’ll try to do better
But, then she’s to weak to try

But don’t you know who you are?
You are more

Cause this is not about what you’ve done
But what’s been done for you
This is not about where you’ve been
But, where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel
But what he felt to forgive you
And what he felt to make you loved

You are more than the choices that you’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes 
You are more than the problems you create 
You’ve been remade.

Success in life is founded upon attention to the small things; to the everyday things nearest to us rather that the things that are remote and uncommon.

A suffocating feeling of dread and the foreboding that affects you physically and mentally. Sometimes a person can even suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.

When you wake up every morning and it’s a struggle even getting out of bed because there is nothing to look forward to or you have to do something that you don’t want to do that day. It’s a fight battle every day, one often the hardest part in trying to hide it.

It can feel like it’s hard to breathe and your heart might be racing even if you’re sitting down. It can be very isolating when loved ones don’t understand or tell you to snap out of it.

Suffering from anxiety is like having a constant fear, even I there is nothing to be scared of, and your mind makes you feel there is always something to worry about.

A SUFFOCATING FEELING OF DREAD

It’s suffocating feeling is the dread and foreboding affects you physically and mentally. It’s a struggle to get out of bed because there is nothing to look forward to or there is something that you have to do today that you hate.

DEPRESSION

Depression is different for everyone. For me it was I don’t care about anything and I could happily just self-destruct and then and there. Some people care about everything and are convinced they have a rare type of cancer or other disease.

In either situation one can have plenty of physical sensations such as shakes and palpitations that seem to reinforce the belief that they are about to die.

Suffering from anxiety is like having a constant fear even when there’s nothing to be scared of, and your mind makes to feel like there’s always something to worry about.

Sometimes our minds over-think and dwell on things and the physical effects can be crippling from insomnia, no appetite, increased appetite, no energy. This drains our bodies even more. It seems like it’s all a vicious circle that one get out of.

But, with the will to change and just a few people who you can count on you can get out of this circle and start on a path toward the future.

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Avoid people who mess with your hear. People who say things to upset you. People who want you to make them a priority, but won’t do the same for you. People who don’t apologize. You don’t need these kind of people. Avoid them.

Being Positive in bad times is good. But, What did we realize through all this. We cannot function without love, we all need some type of social activity daily. The people I our daily lives can pass away very quickly so we must value them while we have them. The entire world (universe) is connected in some way or another. How easily we could lose the things we take for granted every moment.

Every person on this earth is valuable, even if you don’t see value in them some, someone does. Remember that. Even if you don’t like them as a person there is something you might like about the. Learning to look for the good in something or someone you don’t like is a test. But, when you pass it’s a valuable lesson.

Has everyone heard of Winnie the Pooh.

I often think about the difficult dynamic between Tigger and Eeyore. This is a major insight for me. Still sometimes thinking who will I wake up as In the morning Tigger or Eeyore.

Sometimes we are annoyed by excessively cheery people or extremely gloomy people. Parts one or two. Evolving ideas about how people react to react to pronounced positivity or negativity. I’ve been trying to understand what happens when a “Tigger” and a Eeyore” clash, which seems to be a common happiness hurtle.

If you are a Tigger you say things like…

Happiness is a choice

Look on the bright side

Smile

Fake it til you make it

Tiggers believe that their point of view is more socially valuable, more thoughtful, more realistic, and more morally admirable that that of Eeyores. They look for the good in every situation, in every person.

If your an Eeyore you say things like…

No one can be cheerful all the time. It’s fake.

Thinking the glass is always half full isn’t realistic. It’s elf-deception.

If someone asks me “How are You?” I’m going to tell them the truth, even if people don’t want an honest answer.

Authenticity is important to me. I hate phonies.

Eeyores believe that their point of view is more socially valuable, more valuable, more thoughtful, more realistic, and more real admirable than that of Tiggers.

Tensions arise when a Tiggers and a Eeyores strive to convert each other. The more they try to convince each other to adapt a different perspective, the more the other resists. Tiggers fear being dragged down by the Eeyores, and the Eeyores fear resentful and irritated by the Tiggers insistent cheer.

Earlier I wrote an article on Being around people who were headed in the direction you wanted your life to go. This is exactly what I meant. I’m not stating either one of these personalities are wrong one just has to chose the direction you want your life to go and stay on that path and build your future according.

It’s a common problem these days switching between apps on your phone, checking social media and messages and email, thinking about the million things you have to get done, but putting them off. Anything but staying focused on one task at a time.

I still have a hard time staying focused, I will admittedly go from one task to another, or trying to get everything I have on my to do list but it’s not getting anything done. We are are guilty at one time or another.

It’s a hard habit to break out of the mental habit of switching, being distracted letting the monkey mind jump from one thing to the next.

So how do you train your mind to stay more focused? It’s possible to get better at focusing, but don’t expect to be focused anywhere 100% of the time.

A Good Plan-

Start with the why. Why should you care about this. It’s best to give this a moment of thought before diving into any plan, because when things get uncomfortable, you have to know the why. Otherwise you will crumble at the first urge to switch.

This is important because constant switching and distraction leads to your time being wasted away, so that the day goes by and you have barely done anything important. You have procrastinated on the big tasks to take care of the little ones, and worse yet squandered the day in distractions. Your life is way to precious to waste, so you want to use your days better.

Staying focused on one task at a time, at least for some of the day, will help you get the important things done, studying, taking care of finances, cleaning, and so on. Those things tend to get pushed back, but staying on task will increase your effectiveness with the most important things by leap and bounds.

If your feeling stressed out by all you have to do, unhappy with your lack of focus then this one skill will help you turn that around in a huge way.

First thing in the morning, before you get on your phone or online, think about what you need to do that day. What would make the biggest difference in your life, if you have several it doesn’t matter just randomly choose one, you can get to the others later. Don’t waste time in indecision, the point is to practice with one task. This one task you choose today is your most important task.

Do a 15 minute focus session, get ready for your day, eat, meditation, workout, get those things done and be on your way. Start a 15 minute timer or track your 15 minutes.

You only have two choices. For these 15 minutes, you cannot switch to anything else (no checking email, messages, social media, doing other things etc.) only work on tasks for the day or sit and to nothing. Those are your only two options. Watch your urges to switch, but don’t follow them. You can use a accountability app, I write a do to list and check off the tasks as I get them done. Make yourself accountable. Even if you have at find a accountability partner.

That’s it one 15 minute focus session for two weeks pm if you do great add a second focus with a 10 minute break between sessions. If you have any trouble at all focus on one session 2 more weeks before adding a second.

After six weeks to two months, you should be doing good at doing 15 minute sessions, and you can add a third. Then a fourth when that gets easy. Stop there for awhile, and then add another session in the afternoon.

Turn-off your internet, disconnect from WiFi. Turn off your phone. This is the best method, don’t let yourself turn on anything else. Unless you need it for work. If you have an idea, a task you need to remember write it down you can get to those later. This helps you stay focused on work tasks.

Don’t allow yourself to rationalize putting off you session. It easy to say, “I’ll get to it in a bit,” but then you will be putting in off until late morning, and then the afternoon, and finally you are doing it at 8pm just to say you did it. This defeats the purpose of the practice. Watch your rationalizations and don’t fall for them.

That said, don’t aim for being perfect. There are some days when you just can’t do it. If something big came up where you don’t have time don’t stress about missing a day. Get back on it as soon as you can. Worrying about keeping a streak going in counterproductive.

If 15 minutes is to long, try 10 minutes. If that’s to long do 5 minutes and work your way up.

Increase your sessions as slowly as you can. There is no rush to do more. Focus on building a solid foundation.

Okay you have your session now get practicing.

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