Fighting The Enemy That Lives Inside.

Before you try to conquer the outside world you have to master the inner world of your mind.

You might have some awesome goals like I want beach front property. I want to help hurting people.

That’s no problem, the enemy does not live in the outside world. It’s not money, people, or opportunity that is holding us back. It’s us.

Make sure your worse enemy doesn’t live inside yourself. It can come out when you don’t expect it at all.

All of the sudden, you have a true inner war on your hands. Why am I doing this? Is it really worth it?

There’s a war going on inside your head that most people aren’t even aware of. Were in a constant battle with ourselves.

You have to realize who’s in control of your life. It’s not the economy, your family, spouse, boss, or anything else you can possibly blame. This means one simple thing: This is your life own it. Never blame yourself, that’s what a Warrior does, Instead, fight your inner enemy by not giving up.

Know yourself, what makes you angry, sad, fearful? What are your decisions based on?

Have Zero Expectations.

One of our biggest causes of inner conflict is we have too high expectations.

We expect too much from our spouse, family, friends, co-workers, and even our boss.

But, that’s not the way the world works. You don’t control it. You only control yourself.

Never have high expectations for anything. You will only be disappointed. Instead, except nothing. Stop expecting your friends will always be there for you. You will always stay healthy, your family will always be with you. You will always make money.

Now you’re free. Everything you get is a gift.

You’re Not Perfect: Accept it

Never beat yourself up for making mistakes. Never beat yourself up over anything. Yes, we need to judge ourselves and try to do better. But don’t punish yourself for it.

This is life and life is unpredictable it makes no sense. Tho gs happen.

When you try to be perfect, you’re always at war with yourself. You will never be at peace. Nothing is ever good enough.

I have tried being the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, and perfect mother. All It does is take away your peace. You will never get to enjoy life for what it is. Even though it makes no sense, there’s still enough beauty in life. You just have to take off your blinders to see it. We need to get rid of that tunnel vision.

Always keep in mind that you’re worth more when you’re at full strength. Have you ever wanted to achieve something so bad that you put all your energy into it? You work hard you don’t sleep.

You might win a hard battle, but not the war. Life is a long time. Don’t burn yourself out before you reach the end. That’s self-sabotage Instead, save yourself.

Never Question Life

Instead of asking ourselves why is this happening to me. Ask yourself what can I learn from this?

I get it you work hard but nothing happens. You ask ”What am I doing this for.” No one reads your work, you’re never promoted at work. No one buys your product, no one hires you, no one cares.

Once you have one of those negative thoughts like that the floodgates will open, it’s the same of binge eating: It won’t matter if I have another cookie, you might as have eaten the whole dozen.

Don’t get down on yourself. There’s no point in doing that it’s not helping you.

Never question life. Never think about it. It’s a discussion you will never win. Avoid the war, not all wars can be won.

Believe In Yourself

How do you believe in yourself? You can’t say things like ”I’m the best, I’m the best.” to yourself if you don’t truly believe it. Deep down we always know that we’re lying to yourself.

Lying to yourself doesn’t help. Lying to others doesn’t help. We need to work and practice and see results and believe your abilities. Not putting In the work you will never develop any skills. There is no belief.

Work is where it all starts. There are no get to rich quick tactics. We all love fake promises because they distract us from reality. There’s no such thing as an overnight success. Even when people tell you to opt for the quick road pick the longer harder road to your destination.

Enter by the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the way is east that leads to destruction, and those who enter y it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few

Matthew 7: 13-14

I promise you will feel more fulfilled when you get there.

The lazy person is always looking for the next best thing.

Life is about the journey. That’s where you will find the blessings. No matter how hard it is.

Stop Making Assumptions

Never make conclusions based on assumptions. My father always said- never assume anything you will make a ass out of you and me. That great advice.

Always look at the facts. Don’t think you have the facts. Also ignore conventional wisdom. Most things you hear and read around you is not true or very subjective. Avoid inner conflict by looking at the facts always.

Keep Moving

No matter what you do, never stand sit, staying still, the same thing as moving backward. Life doesn’t wait for you.

What does not move is dead.

Robert Greene

You don’t become strong by ignoring your inner troubles. Your battles are not won on your smartphone. You fight by looking in the mirror.

Win or Die

The battles you fight within yourself are very real if you arm yourself with the right strategies, you will win.

Why should you fight? Napoleon Bonaparte said it best: ”Death is nothing to live defeated is to die every day.” You will never be defeated as long as you keep fighting.

Finding Light In Darkness

We should always try to find a healthy balance between the darkness and the light, which can often be challenging. It has been said that many creative types are more inspired during dark times, but I have found that profound darkness hinders creativity and that the creative juices come out best when there’s a balance between the darkness and the light.

Thinking back to my childhood my mother was a very dark person. She would tell me horrible things about the devil beating his wife. These were of course superstition but they upset me horribly. My father, on the other hand, was a very light person, he would always have something good to say, to make everyone smile.

I’m the type of person who reaches for the light as much as possible. Yes, I have darkness in me but I push that darkness out with light. Yet in the past, I have been filled with many dark moments in my life. Love and losses are that way- these moments seem to come in waves. But realize even in darkness there is a shimmer of light. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Darkness can never extinguish the light.

Light is defined as life, darkness is defined as death. In Joh. 1:4 God was life, and the light was the light of men. Those who have faith through him will have eternal life. In John darkness is Present the absence of light; the absence of eternal life and darkness referring to death spiritually.

Some people easily move on or get on with it, following dark moments, while others tend to linger in the darkness. It may have to do with acknowledging or being more mindful of one’s shallow side. The shadow spot with I like to call the gray area in our lives, maybe thought of as a dumping ground for our undesirable traits or those characteristics that have not been brought to our consciousness, which may include obsession with dark moments such as getting over the loss of a loved one.

It had been said we can not know light without experiencing the darkness but at the same time, both dark and light can be great teachers. We can have light the size of a mustard seed in us all the time if we focus on that light instead of the darkness in it. We might be more energetic, happier, and more successful.

There is gold in the gray area in the sense that there’s something to be learned from it but many resist wanting to mine that gold.

Be confident in your ability to balance the light and the dark, know that the darkness does not have to overpower everything in your life. Light is always there. When we find the right balance we persevere in life.

Make Room For The New

There’s no more space on your phone for a new app-you have to make room. What’s the first thing you get rid of?

It’s a perfect day to watch a movie. Are you more likely to watch a new one you haven’t seen, or one you’ve seen several times? Why?

Make It Personal

How good are you at making room for the new in your life? Do you seek out new things, or are you more likely to hold on to old things?

What is an example of something old you might be tempted to hold onto? How could that be holding you back from experiencing new things?

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the reNEWal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Sometimes, new things can lead to tension-and our tolerance for tension determines our growth potential. How do you usually respond to tension? Where are you facing new tension right now (or facing a new thing?) What do you want your life to look like on the other side?

In Acts 9: 36-40. Peter embraced tension- he knew people in the room with old mindsets, they wouldn’t be able to accept to receive new miracles. Think about your mindsets. What’s a mindset you need to change to help you work through the tension you’re facing?

Don’t Be Limited By A Label

How are labels on yourself, areas of you life, other or on God limiting you?

Don’t Be Loyal To A Lie

What’s something you’ve believed that might not be true anymore?

Don’t Be Late

How could you miss something new because you’re holding onto something old?

Which one of those three things is making it difficult for you to make room for the new? Why?

When You Feel Broken But Your Ready To Heal.

We all experience distress in all sorts of ways as sadness, anxiety, addictions, unproductive obsessions, unwanted compulsions, sabotaging behaviors, physical ailments, and angry, bleakandagitated moods.

What helps relieve distress? what helps a person to heal? While the mental health system is saying drugs and talk therapy is the answer. Setting that aside, what else helps?

Be yourself

Set boundaries, having your own beliefs and opinions, standing up for your values, wearing clothes you want to wear, eating food you want to eat, saying things you want to say. There are hundreds of ways to being you and somebody smaller false.

Invent Yourself

You come with some attributes, capabilities, and proclivity, and you are molded in a certain environment. But at some point you must say ”I want to be me, original.” who do you want to be? You reduce your emotional distress by deciding to be a calmer person. Let things slide you don’t have to have a reaction to everything that happens. Be less critical, be a more productive person, a less self-abusive person.

Love And Be Loved

Part of our nature requires solitude, alone time. But this isn’t the entire story of our nature. We can feel happier, warmer, and live better and longer. Experiencing life is more meaningful if we love and let ourselves be loved. We should do both, be ourselves and relate to others. Include others in our plans, don’t only speak listen.

Get A Grip on Your Mind

Nothing causes emotional distress that the thoughts we think. Be better at identifying the thoughts that don’t serve us disputing them and demanding they go away and bring useful thoughts to our minds. Only you can get a grip on your own mind. If you won’t do the work, you will live in distress.

Put The Past In The Past

Don’t play along with your past. It a human tendency for us to want to wallow there. You must tell yourselves to more on and mean it. Forget the past it’s over, concentrate on the present and success in the future

Flip The Anxiety Switch To Off

Rampant anxiety colors our mood, and makes hard tasks much harder. Anxiety is your bodies natural fight or flight trigger. The best way to get though anxiety is to sit somewhere you are comfortable take some deep breathes and relax and let it pass, the more you panic in an anxiety attack the more your body will act out. Deciding that you want to live more calmly. Announce to yourself that you will not longer catastrophic, that you will not longer live a fearful life, or create anxiety for yourself.

Make Meaning

We can have much more meaning in our life if we stop looking for it. It is in our power to influence meaning and even make it. When we have meaning such as volunteering in something you respect. I volunteer at a local shift store that all there profits go to helping people overcome their addiction. Sending individuals to recovery programs for free. Things that can help communities better themselves give meaning to my life. We can keep crisis at bay when we experience a meaningful life. Meaning problems produce distress in life and by learning the art of value-based meaning dramatically reduces that distress.

Let Meaning Trump your Mood

By deciding that the meaning you make is more important to you than the mood you find yourself in. Instead of saying I’m sad today try saying I have to volunteer or work today. You start each day by announcing to yourself exactly how to intend to make meaning on that day by doing chores and tasks. And consider all of that, the rich and mundane alike as the project of your life, one that you are living with grace and good spirits. Reduce distress by checking in more on your intentions and less on your mood.

Relief Or Restoration?

The difference between relief and restoration in your own life.

Most people aim for relief instead of restoration. Relief short term, it lifts the pain or the pressure for a while it’s only temporary.

Restoration, however, gets to the heart of the matter. It fixes the deep issues from which you feel the need for relief. Restoration is the permanent solution. It’s making things right. The final cure.

Relief is just easing the pain, while things are not right. Drinking alcohol makes you feel better, but sooner or later your going to have to sober up. Eating makes some people feel better but the comes a time when you’re not even about to do anything for yourself.

I’m worked as a facilitator for a mental health group. I was not aware at first what let to alcoholism or obesity or even drug addiction other that what I had experienced myself.

The people that came in group were so lost and hurting. I would begin the class by going around the table asking each person to share something about themselves. And how their last 2 weeks we’re for them.

There were a few people’s stories that really touched me.

One gentleman was in his 40’s that his father beat him every day when he was a child. Having no trust in anyone he began abusing drugs at an early age. He said it was the only way he could deal with the pain. He would take anything he could get his hands on. When he dropped out of school and left home. He went to live in a crack house with a guy from school.

He never went to the doctor. At age 40 this man had been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. He had severe manic episodes and hallucinations. He was trying to live by himself but would find the walls talking to him. All he had ever known was hurt and pain and was trying to get relief the best way he knew how. Sadly he had destroyed his mind trying to do so. He ended up a mental facility. I would talk to him and he would tell me he believed in God, but then he would get very angry and start yelling. Sadly rather than seeking help to undo the damage of his father’s wounding ways. He got into drugs for relief, not restoration. And it destroyed his life.

There was a young lady that came to group every week without fail. This lady used to watch my children when I was working. She weighed about 400 pounds, her father molested her and abusing her. She would eat and eat trying to hide from the pain she felt. she was trying to cope by allowing her pain. Her soul needed restoration.

Don’t underestimate me. Relief in it’s proper form in great. Everyone enjoys a massage or a glass of wine or the peace of reading a good book. The problem comes, when we allow relief to replace restoration that’s when deformity and addiction set in.

Relief is for short term issues. Tired feet, a week of hard work, a challenging few months. Restoration is for long term issues. The childhood trauma, the bad stuff that has been produced bad fruit for years. Be courageous enough to go after restoration. It will make the relief in your life all the pleasurable.

Restoration in the Bible is synonymous with healing, repairing, and returning to a previous state of being. Although we may stray from faith we are still Gods children if we choose that right path and follow him.

God promises money can be restored, property can be restored-broken down cars, relationships can be restored.

With psychiatric and psychology counselors they can teach you ways to live again and cope with unpleasant situations. With God, he can restore what has been taken from you.

Be courageous enough to go after restoration instead of just relief.

The Benefits Of Being Humble

What is hope for Humility as society celebrates over confidence, entitlement and ego.

People are increasingly competitive, attention-seeking, narcissistic, and obsessed with the lie that they are entitled to everything with working or trying.

Humility involves a willingness to accept the self’s limits and it’s place in the grand scheme of things, accompanied by low levels of self-preoccupation

Kesebir

Soothe the Soul

Humble people are better able to cope with anxiety about their mortality.

Instead of erecting self-defense against death, humble people tend to find it provides a useful perspective on life and how it should be lived.

When I was recovering from my childhood. I became defensive at everything, I wanted to physically fight for anything that upset me, and sometimes I did, I thought I was entitled to be myself as I thought I deserved everything. I didn’t care who liked me or not I needed to be respected and I thought that by fighting for that respect was the right way to do it. I was disrespectful to everyone I came in contact with but expected them to be respectful and kind to me. That is not the answer to any issue in life.

To bad, it took me over 30 years to figure that out. I would have been much farther in life than I am now. Sometimes it’s a hard lesson to learn.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

Humble leaders are not only liked better they are also more effective.

Higher Self–Control

Having higher self-control is one key to a successful life. Surprisingly studies have found that being obsessive with yourself leads to lower self-control.

The humble because they are less focused on themselves can exhibit higher self-control in many situations. Because humble people tend to know their limits.

Less Prejudice

One of the characteristics of being humble is having a low sense of entitlement.

When you realize that the people around you are just as entitled as you are. Everyone can work together for a successful outcome.

Humble people don’t think they are owed things. If you want something you have to work for it, it’s not going to come to you.

Humility leads to a less prejudiced view of the world, encouraging people to be tolerant of others and less defensive about their own beliefs.

More Helpful

Humble people are, on average more helpful than people who are conceited or egotistical.

Have you ever let someone cut you in a shopping line when you seen they were in a hurry or they had fewer items that you? Have you ever paid it forward meaning paying for someone’s groceries when you had extra cash you could spare? Have you ever given food or money to a person to were less fortunate than you? That is being humble, it’s not about you it’s about someone else. When making someone day is more important than what you can give yourself.

It’s not all about money. You can do this by simply helping someone put their groceries in their cart or returning their cart to where it belongs. Going to help somebody because you can see they need it, not because they asked. Visiting people when you know they are alone.

Better Relationships

Humble people have better relationships because they accept other people for the way they are.