There isn’t a person among us who doesn’t have insecurities, some are just better at dealing with them, or perhaps hiding them.
We worry what other people think about us, we worry if we’re good enough, we worry that we’re not doing all we should be doing, we worried that we will fail. We worried that we are too fat, too short, Worry if they like us,
And social media, with its culture of getting us who want approval with likes and shares, with it showing off amazing bodies in amazing travels and food… it only exacerbates the problem. But you know all this
The question is how can we overcome these insecurities?
How do we become okay with ourselves? How do we learn to find contentment and peace?
The answer isn’t simple, but it requires one thing to start with: a willingness to your face what we usually don’t want to face.
That means a bit of courage, do you have small doses, to start with but it means willingness to set aside all the distractions for a little while, I’m just focusing on what you were struggling with.
Do you have courage? If so, let’s begin.
Obstacles
What gets in our way with dealing with insecurities? There are obstacles littering our path. There are old wounds that have never healed.
Here are a few obstacle that seem to get in the way:
Past Criticisms
If a parent or other relatives criticize us while we are growing up, or if we were bowling, we probably internalize that. My dad always seem to accept me as I was, but my mother had her own insecurities, and those would manifest as criticism. Those criticism stayed in my head, but they are beginning to die down because of the work that I have done. Still they never really go away.
A Negative Self-Image
When people criticize you over the years, you start to criticize yourself. And all this criticism, along with unfavorable comparisons of ourselves to others, result in a self image that isn’t so great. it doesn’t matter if the reality doesn’t meet this self-image… we can be competent, brilliant, and beautiful, but if we have an image of ourselves that is ugly, dumb, and a failure, we act accordingly to the image.
Needing Approval
When someone gives us approval, that’s great. We feel we are worthy and beautiful. But then the problem becomes that we need more and more approval to keep this self image, We fear not getting the approval because then this self-image won’t go away. Will you become stuck in a cycle of needing constant approval, and fearing disapproval. We read into everything that everyone says and does, in real life and on social media, in terms of approval or disapproval. This becomes a fearful cycle of need.
Lack Of Trust
We learn not to trust other people just stick with us, to accept us, to see our side of things at understandable. This has trained us over the years as people to do things that we think of and abandonment or rejection, we stopped trusting in the moment to turn out right.
Images Of Social Media And Media
We compare ourselves to the great people when see in media, or social media. We compare ourselves to the hot people in movies, televisions, and magazines. These images are meant to sell us, but the way they sell us is by making us feel insecure about ourselves, and then needing whatever it is that the celebrities are selling us in order for us to be as good as them.
Not Accepting Things About Ourselves
In the end, the result is that we reject large parts of ourselves. We don’t like that we are overweight, or have pimples, or something about our bodies. It’s amazing, because even people who think they have amazing bodies reject things about their bodies. We also reject parts of our inner cells, the parts that are undisciplined or uncaring or fearful or lazy. We reject the parts of ourselves that are insecure.
Those are a lot of obstacles to deal with. And that highlight why this takes courage, and why the fix isn’t easy.
The Road To Dealing With Insecurities
Here’s the secret: The obstacles actually show us the path. The obstacles are the path.
We can embrace the obstacles and work with them but in order to do that we need to start to develop an awareness of when our insecurities are rising. We can use them as a mindfulness alarm, ring when we are trouble with my fears and mistrust, telling us, “There’s so much material to work with you.”
And that’s the key: All of our insecurities are actually an opportunity to do some good work, to learn about how we work, to develop skills that will help us in life.
Start to pay attention, notice when you are being driven by insecurity. And then focus on the following work:
- Forgive the past. If your insecurities have been shaped by a relative or authoritative figures criticizing you, recognize this. Then you can start to forgive them. Understand that if they were driven by their own insecurities, struggling with their own demons . They behave in perfectly, but we all do. They weren’t right in the what they did, but you can understand it none the less. It’s hard to forgive someone for their bad behavior, but holding onto resentment isn’t helping you. Let go of the past, one step at a time.
- Accept all of yourself. Pause and take a self-assessment. Notice the parts of yourself, both your body and your inner self, that you don’t like. Take a moment to look at these parts of you, and see if you can send them love. See them for the imperfect parts of you that they are, deserving of love as a friend who is in perfect also deserves love. Think about how your treat is imperfect friend, and be the same way toward yourself. Give yourself assurance, do you have your self compassion. Embrace all the parts of you, and see the beauty in them. They are what make you who you are, and they are wonderful.
- Practice self approval. if you notice you were so wanting someone else’s approval, your praise and attention, their likes and shares…pause and replace it with self approval. You can take away the power of others to approve you if you appropriate that power for yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval but your own. That doesn’t mean you don’t want a connection with others, or love, but you can love others and be loved by them while also giving your self approval. Accept yourself, completely, love yourself, that is all you need.
- Embrace non-comparison. Comparison of yourself with how others look, what they are doing, where they are traveling, and how much fun they’re having is never a useful comparison, and it actively harms you. Instead, when you see someone else, instead of comparing yourself to them, see them as apples to your oranges. Be happy that they are having fun, be joyful for their successes. They are come on a completely different path from you, and they can be happy and have a great time and you can too, on your own path. See their awesomeness is different from yours.
- Develop trust in the moment. Through all the practices, dark develop a crush in yourself that everything will be okay. Develop a crush in the moment that it will unfold and all will be well. This develops overtime, by making small predictions about the moment it might even help to say to yourself in the moment everything will be all right and then seeing if the prediction comes true.
This is the path. You will find things you are struggling with, and learn to work with them. Learn to shift your perspective. Learn to see what’s tripping you up, and turn it into an opportunity to practice your skills.
It is a journey. It has helped me to become more accepting of myself, and trust myself more. And turn, it helps me learn to love myself and others more, one moment at a time.
