How To Stop Being A Control Freak

The desire for control is a form of perfectionism, and we can alleviate it learning to embrace uncertainty.

Are you incredibly efficient, super competent and always get things done and keep things moving? Does all this micro-managing cause you to feel stressed out? Have you family and friends told you to lighten up?

You maybe a control freak. Control freaks have these behaviors and can have some benefits, this truth is the control freaks often create the very thing they’re trying to avoid, which is stress.

Here are some idea’s to try if your a control freak.

Observe Yourself, in order to change a behavior you have to realize that you’re doing it. Becoming a more mindful witness to your own behavior is the first set to making any behavioral change.

You need to my a commitment to observe you behavior for a few days and write down anytime you find yourself micro-managing, over planning, being over critical, overprotective, or obsessively worrying or any behavior that feels like you can’t resist doing up. Observing yourself this way can be hard to do.

Figure Out What Emotion Is Driving Your Behavior

You might think that your stress is a result of how hard you’re working to keep everything under control, but it’s actually distressing emotions that are driving your behavior-and causing your stress. In order to change your behavior, you have to identify which emotion you’re struggling with. There are many emotions to choose from:

  • Love
  • Happiness
  • Fear
  • Sadness
  • Shame
  • Jealousy
  • Disgust

I will tell you mine was fear. The emotion that usually behind controlling behavior is fear. Feeling in control is a basic human need, and life inevitably shows us that we can’t control everything. It makes you feel fearful and uncomfortable. Then in order to feel less fearful and more in control, you try controlling everything around you- even things that have nothing to do with the part of you’re life that made you feel badly to start with.

Say you even found yourself reorganizing your closet when you were upset about a argument you had with a loved one. Or maybe you start exercise regimen after you lost your job. Sometimes just identifying the emotion can make it lose some of its power over you and then you can start to curb your behavior.

Identify the Distorted Thinking and Challenge it.

Emotions often cause us to think in inaccurate ways. For example, your husband does the grocery shopping and buys a few of the wrong brands and instead of acknowledging that he got more right than wrong, you think, that he totally failed at this task and clearly he can’t be trusted to shop. This is an example of a common distortion called discounting the positives.

The key in this step is to stop and pay attention to what your thinking when you realize you’re feeling distressed or when you notice that you’re about the engage in one of the controlling behavior you’ve identified. Stop and ask yourself what am I thinking right now? Does how I’m thinking about this make sense or is it distorted in some way?

Often realizing you’re using emotions, reasoning instead of logical reasoning can change your perspective, reduce the intensity of the emotion your feeling and help you resist the urge in engage in a controlling behavior.

Peace Of Mind With Fewer Distractions

The mind is like an ocean. For many people, the mind is constantly moving, just like water, without ever coming to a rest. It is stirred up by our restless and rushing thoughts, and distractions which there are a lot in our modern world.

For many just like waves on the shore, our desires, and fears do not disturb us, but they prohibit us from finding peace of mind. Just like the wind, our thoughts and anxiety can lead to a stormy ocean, without allowing us to rest. The mind it’s self is neutral, just like water. If you were able to reduce the influences of our thoughts on you mind, you would create a calm sea,or mind.

Would if we could all return to a mind of peace, no cell phones, computer screens, no noisy retractions. Would our minds become more at peace?

Our mental calmness depends nightly on our ability to calm our thought. You won’t be able to calm the ocean by grasping the water in a hope that it won’t move. It simply won’t work.

It is necessary to address the root of the problem, which is the wind or in our case our fears, desires and thoughts. You will have to stop the wind or distractions if you want to calm your mind. With fewer distractions and most rest we can learn to control your emotions and thoughts. So that our mental state is unaffected. For this to work properly we need to control and strengthen our attention. Can we really see what’s going on, if we are distracted but our cell phones?

In general the term “a peaceful mind,”. is used to describe a mental state in which mental and emotional calmness prevail. It is a state of mind where your state of mind is not stirred up by anxieties and worries.

The mental activity is phased down so that quietness. Instead of distractions that trouble or future to the point of focusing what lies at this present moment. Are you troubled, fearful anxious of what’s going on right now? When was the last time you turned off your phone, computer, the news and really focused on yourself? Have an actual conversation with some one right beside you. Took a long relaxing bath, and stopped thinking about everything.

We have as experienced a fantastic mental state of distracting ourselves. Maybe. Vacation we took, or absorbed yourself in a amazing book. We were not troubled by our worries and thoughts. Instead our mind was calm- we had found inner peace.

How can we maintain a peaceful mind even in a stressful and hectic world where there is great despair and difficulties?

Media consumption can cause great turbulence within our minds. These media distractions range from television, radio, newspapers, video games, cellphones, and music that an heavily affect your mental state in a negative way.

I thought I was going to have a peaceful quiet commute the other day, and decided to turn of the radio in my car. It was very difficult to do. When I turned it off. I found it very difficult to be in the quiet car with this the sound of the tires rolling.

What is distracting you everyday? How do you find peace in your life.

I remember in pre-school and kindergarten we used to have “quiet time.” How many of us as adults give ourselves quiet time?

It’s Okay To Disagree But Don’t Hate

Today there is more pressures than we can keep up with. There are more to agree or disagree with. Because of this we are scared to express our opinions or may not even know how to share our opinions the right way without hating the other party. If you say something the other person disagree with they immediately hate you, threat you, or attack you.

Disagreeing with someone shouldn’t mean you have to hate them, yes hate the idea, lifestyle, or belief but don’t hate the person.

Some people disagree with certain issues also hate the group that believes other wise. If you don’t agree with something that the group is doing don’t hate the group.

It is bad idea is to beat people up, if they don’t have the same opinion.

We need to disagree politely, Don’t cause an argument that is unnecessary. State your beliefs and why they are good.

In some cases you can’t stay away from an argument. so learn the best way to diffuse the situation. Walk away if you have to.

I’m my case it’s a family member that constantly wants to start an argument over different views and value systems. I have walked away as much as I can. I believe this situation is going to result in a nasty argument. Causing deep cuts to someone’s feelings. I have tried to agree to disagree with her, but that’s not what she wants.

Here are some phases you can use when disagreeing.

  • I disagree with that idea but I don’t hate the people that are involved
  • Understand this I disagree with your/they’re beliefs but I don’t hate them.

Depending on what the persons belief is you may not want spend much time around them. If it’s a family member try and stay in another room as much as possible.

Always show them respect regardless of they’re lifestyle or belief.

Drawing the line

Whether you like it or not your going to get pushed into some compromising situations where people want your beliefs to bend.

Kindly but boldly state your beliefs, maybe saying “well that’s wrong. But don’t comprise once you do, they will think you will do it again.

Make sure you love the person but not their ideas.

I love the verses in the Bible, it’s in 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 in the message Bible. If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but I don’t love , I’m nothing but the creaking gate. If I speak God’s word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that’s says to a mountain “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, Ive gotten nowhere. So no matter what I say, what I believe and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others that for self. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head. Doesn’t force itself on others. Isn’t always me first, doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel. Takes pleasure in the flowering truth, puts up with anything, trust in God always. Never looks back. But keeps going to the end.

Break Down Your Emotional Walls

Protecting Your Heart

Experiencing hurtful feelings is a universal life experience. We all have been injured by unkind words or scolded by a displeased parent or teacher. Have you felt betrayed by a friend or a partner or had your heart completely broken.

As these experiences happened maybe we began to put up emotional walls so you would not be hurt again, and with every hurt that wall goes up higher. Over time the wall gets taller, thicker and stronger and you discovered that the sting of being hurt wasn’t as painful.

Those emotional walk begin their construction during our childhood.

If you grew up in a home where emotions weren’t safe to feel. Or maybe you learned how to avoid conflict. There might have been some abuse or trauma that you experienced.

Whatever your reason for building then, they were good ones.

We build walls so that we can survive better and cope in your world. Maybe these walls have allowed you to function and not fall apart.

There’s Pain in Vulnerability

When we begin raising our emotional walls, we may have felt very vulnerable to outside forces, or to things you were out of control.

Maybe the vulnerability came when we experience feelings of being unloved, unworthy,or unimportant. Whatever our experience was, it is very painful.

Keep Low Expectations

Expect bother, lose nothing. Right? Sadly, once we’ve erected those thick strong emotional walls, feeling have trouble getting in or out.

We learn to expect little from others, and settle for not expressing our feelings because talking about them make us feel vulnerable.

For me in childhood I had put up walls to avoid being vulnerable to my mother. When I moved out of my parents home, I felt safe enough to let those wall come down a bit, having felt the love of my boyfriend (now husband) I thought this is easy, how did I finally find someone to love me. Then we got married and had children and the trauma of my childhood started oozing out of me at every pour. He found pleasure outside or marriage. And I had two babies to raise. Up those walls went and my marriage deteriorated. I focused on raising two children and ignoring what happened in my marriage. After the children were raised ( Thank the Lord they are happy successful adults now.) I had a choice to either stay with my husband or leave. We are married today, we are working everything out.

Though our walls have served as our protector they come at a cost.

Missing Out on the Beautiful Aspects of Life

When we put walls around our hearts, it is difficult to fee, the emotions of others much less our own.

A sort of emotional numbness takes over. We may have trouble identifying our feelings about something.

When we guard our emotion, we miss out on the beautiful aspects of life, including vitality and passion. We miss out on having a loving, connected relationship.

What are some signs you may have built emotional walls?

  • You don’t feel intense joy or deep sadness.
  • In a relationship,your partner may doubt your love for them.
  • You are an able manager of your emotions so you can minimize the disc of you will feel when your feelings go unexpressed
  • You engage in salt-sabotage in your romantic relationships, ending the relationship before you can get hurt.
  • People may have told you that you are hard
  • Living a single life might be your preference.

Do any of these sound familiar? Are you living behind emotional walls?

I usually don’t recommend therapy for anything. But in this case you might need to see one to explore all of your emotional baggage that behind those walls. It’s tough and I urge you to tell them the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I didn’t start healing and bring down those walls until I told the truth and stopped hiding behind the wall.

Explore you emotions walls, and put it into words.it will help give you perspective, self-compassion and the ability to heal.

Identify what emotional safety would look like for you. Creating emotional safety will most often look like the opposite of your childhood experience.

If you can get your spouse to begin therapy with you (mine refused.) It is a excellent place to start the process and how to build your new muscle to express emotion.

Build up your ability to be resilient

Building up your ability to be resilient, will allow you to bounce back from painful emotions. Techniques that might help:

Practice Optimism

Rewrite your story

Don’t personalize it

Support others

Take stress breaks

Get out of your comfort zone

Deciding to tear down your emotional walls requires commitment, and practice expressing your feelings through communication in an environment that feels safe.

You don’t have to miss out on the beautiful aspects of your life. Learn how to create emotional safety, be more comfortable with vulnerability and develop healthy expectations as you begin to understand the value and importance of self-expression

The Power Of Prayer

In today’s powerful world that we live in, there’s so much power right at out fingertips.

And most of us can’t even explain what happens when we flip on the light switch. We can see the natural power of Niagara Falls, and we’ve heard about the great dams out West.

We even sometimes wonder how electricity goes out, and the lights in big cities. This is electric power.

I often look at the airports and wonder how the jet engines life off such a pile of metal, and it really flies. And at Cape Kennedy there’s the scape program at the space shuttles and the powers of natural, and man made things, goes on Prayer.

And there’s a power right at Christian’s fingertips, and it’s called the Power of Praye.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you shall ask what you will, and it shall be done. ( John 15:7)

If you shall ask anything in my name, I will do it. (John 14:14)

But we as Christians don’t really realize the profit that’s at our fingertips. This power that we have, just simply by asking.

Of course, we must have a clean heart and a pure life behind this prayer, and not to mention a surrendered will. Meaning we have surrender it to God. Not our will but his.

We have to make sure this request is according to God’s will, and Our prayer must be asked in the name of Jesus, and it must be for God’s Glory.

We cannot ask bad or evil things in Jesus name. God doesn’t want anything bad to happen to his people. And we are ALL his people. Whether we like them or not.

We all already know that Jesus Christ set the example for us to follow.

We cannot want God out of the picture and then ask Him to answer our prayers.

So if every Christian wants to be like Christ. Them we all have to pray without ceasing. I say a prayer under my breath when I’m out in town, or when have an appointment with someone. ”Father I ask that this appointment will go in my favor.”

When good things happen during your day. Silently or when to get where your going. Thank Him when you miss a car accident that was a close call. Thank Him for the extra money you found in your pocket at the point when you needed it desperately. Things like that.

Jesus taught His disciples to part.

His favorite place to pray was probably the Garden of Gethsemane under the old olive trees.

He always prayed for others. And He prayed that His works, and His word, would glorify His Heavenly Father.

Even on the Cross, bleeding His life away, His prayer was for others.

There was a little girl and her mom said; you didn’t say your prayers tonight, the little girl said, we momi didn’t need anything.

This is just like us, we need to be praying to God whether we need anything or not. We should always be thinking Him for getting up in the morning, and for allowing us to breathe another day. Give Him thanks for everything He does.. And ill guarantee that His does plenty for you to be thankful for.

Jesus prayed for Him enemies as we,, as His friends.

All along He was praying for His disciples and those who followed Him and those who follow Him now.

When Jesus was on the cross. He was suffering all the agonies of Hell, not to mention suffering for your sins and mine.

But did He curse those that hung Him there?

No He prayed for them as well.

In Ezekiel 1:49 Jesus says; if me people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Would if we all did what it says in Ezekiel 16;49 and could humble ourselves. I wonder what America would be like now.

Father have Mercy on America and Heal our land.

God Has Give Us Power And Authority

You are a person of power and authority because you belong to Jesus!

I pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His Glorious Inheritance in His Holy People, and his incomparably great power to us who believe. That power to us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength He exerted when He raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. (Ephesians 1:18-22.)

I try to imagine the Apostle Paul write in frustration as the Holy Spirit as He was using him to to write these words to the church. I can picture him agonizing and saying “Don’t you get it? You are not a destitute people, you are a people of great power and authority. I want God to open your spiritual eyes and your spiritual understanding the power of God that is at work on behalf of God’s children. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is the same power that is at work in your life as a child of God. There is no name and no authority higher than Jesus. Everything has been placed under the feet of Jesus for your benefit.

You must Never see yourself as a destitute person. You are a person of power and authority. Because you live and move and you have you’re being in Jesus, the power that raised Jesus from the dead in mighty at work on your behalf.

In Luke 10:19, Jesus gives us the assurance that He has given us the power to overcome all the power of the enemy and nothing shall harm us. In Matthew 18, Jesus says “Whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever we lose on earth will be loved in heaven. And if two of us agree on anything that we ask of Him on this earth, it will be done for us in Heaven where two or more are gathered together in Him name, there

The question is: Do we really believe that we have that much power as children of God?

The last thing Satan wants is for us to know and operate in the power we have as children of God. He does not want up to use the power we have through Christ to demolish his works and walk in victory.

Why do you think right now, Satan is trying to shut down church’s and keeping anything good and true off social media. It is time to start functioning in the power and authority you have as a child of God.

This is what God desires for us, He tells us in Isaiah 53:1-2

Awake Awake, Zion clothe yourself with strength. Put on you garments of splendor, America is a holy land. The defiled will not enter you again.

Shake of the dust; rise up. Free yourselves from the chains on your neck. Son and daughter of Zion, now captive.

The message is clear. We must arise and function in the power and authority we have as Gods children. The enemy must no longer do as he pleases in any area of our lives. We are a people of power and authority. We can demolish every incursion of the enemy into any area of our lives.

Break every chain the enemy has placed around you. Break the chain of martial problems, break the chain of addiction, break the chain of poverty, break the chain of unbelief and disobedience to the world of

Break the chain of hindrances to you blessings. Break every chain you have the authority in Jesus Name.

Stop Proving Yourself To Everyone Else

You are Good enough, Smart enough, Fine enough, and Strong enough. You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already valuable.

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t even try. This is a lesson I finally have been taught.

The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. We hen we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others wants us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to prove to anyone else,

The people worth impressing just you to be yourself.

It’s better to be loathed for who you are than to be loved for who you’re not. The only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others. The right people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the wrong person are intimidated by. Don’t change so people will like you, be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the right people will love the real you.

I started thinking about this last night, when my Mother-in-law called last night. She wanted to know how we were doing, but then the conversation ended in our political differences. She told me to read the facts, I said I’d had. “Yes, I had a preference who I wanted in Government,” everyone does. I only want for “Justice to Prevail,” if we all want the truth to come out. The bottomline is we have to pray and have hope that it will. Good always triumphs over Evil. We don’t have to prove to someone who we are, when we should all want the same thing.

No one else really knows what’s best for you.

Don’t lose yourself in your search for acceptance by others. Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going. You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before. You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path- when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others. You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds you firsthand experience- when you know you can fall down, pitch yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission.

You are the only person who can change your life

In every situation you have been in, in positive or negative, the one common thread is you. It is your responsibility, and yours alone, and regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or accept the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality.

What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you live a lie.