Thankful Project

On November 20th I am thankful for a relaxing day to recharge my soul.

Suffering Will Always Change You

Several years ago I had a friend that walked away from her faith.

I remember our last conversation about God before she moved away. She told me that He had not come through for her. She had prayed and asked him to change her situation, but things to get worse for her. She asked angrily Is this how a good God treats his children? And went on to tell me all that God had not done for her, despite her faithfulness. She was tired of doing the right thing because it hadn’t gotten her anywhere.

My hope is not that my situation will turn our a certain way, but that God will always to what’s best for me.

I understood how my friend felt. I t98 have had unwritten contracts with God where I tried to live a righteous life and in return and expected God to bless me by fixing all of my problems.

The way my life has been I had every reason to hate God, and blame him for everything. And for many years I was a mean, angry, and resentful toward everyone and everything that cane close to me. But when a chose to be loving and kind to everyone and ignore the thoughts in my heads of my past. Life started to get better.

When I met my husband I felt like God was doing His part. My life was finally going right. This only lasted about 4 years until I became horribly sick with my first child and the doctor told us, the baby and I could die. At 8 months I had an emergency C-section to save my baby girl’s life. She was born healthy, but I had almost died. I woke up in ICU 4 days later. With wires and tubes every where on me. I was in so much pain I thought I was going to die. After about 6 days I wanted to see my baby girl. The doctor told me, I would be risking my life if my heart rate and blood pressure went up. I got very upset and my doctor let me see my baby and m husband for a few seconds I was not allowed to touch or hold her.

This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. 3 weeks later I went home and got the chance to hold by baby and hug my husband. Just I started healing I was diagnosed with a mood disorder this almost destroyed my marriage. When I took my baby to her first check-up, my doctor told me I shouldn’t have any more children it was to risky. My first thought was my husband wouldn’t get a son to carry on the family name. I was devastated.

I asked God to please help my marriage and to help me move one from this Situation. And 8 months later I was pregnant again, but instead of being fearful. I was thrilled. I had to have another C-section and be on extra medicine so I would not be so sick. I had a beautiful baby boy.

I few later year’s later I lost my job because of my panic attacks. My husband cheated on me, my Mother died of a massive heart attack, and my father called me to clean to carpet where she have fallen. I did it for my Father, but I didn’t have any remorse for her. I was cold.

What suffering produced in me.

No, I didn’t leave my husband when he cheated on me because I felt I had nowhere else to go. But each time something went wrong, I begged God to fix it, or take away the pain, to restore things to be the way they were. I learned that when we have a horrible trauma in our lives it comes out when we have another traumatic thing happens, hence, the birth of my baby girl brought out this disorder that happened in my childhood.

When things got worse I would angrily stop talking to God, because I felt He wasn’t listening to my prayers. Little did I know He was watching over me the entire time.

I realized, however, like Peter, that there was no place to go, because only Hesus had the words of life. ( John 6:68). I cried out asking God to help me trust Him, and to find hope in what seemed like impenetrable darkness. I need peace and I couldn’t find it anywhere besides Christ.

Then I got the mail one day and there was a package from my husband’s girlfriend. I was so hurt but, when he came home from work I confronted him and he accused me of cheating on him. I took the worst smelling water I could find. (sewer water) and soaked the teddy bear she bought him and socked it, I stepped on the cd she sent him. I was going to send it back to her, but I chose to write her a letter instead. She sent a letter back saying I was a horrible wife and mother and my husband did love me, and to let him go.

I kept that letter for many years.

I began to change and learn to cope with my mood disorder, that is when my faith frantically changed. I began taking my children to church every Sunday. Sent them to communion classes and we went to church for a couple years and when I’d gotten deeper involved. There were things I had a difficult time believing so we left.

After that, we didn’t go to a church for about 5 years. My children got invited to a church youth group and started going to church again, they were trying to talk me into going. After a long time of my children nagging me about church, I finally went. I found peace and hope I hadn’t experienced any time before in my life.

While my marriage still wasn’t the greatest. I prayed to God to fix my marriage or give me away out. My life had not yielded anything but I enjoyed the present with my God, my children and myself.

Suffering is a catalyst that forces us to move in one direction or another. No one comes through suffering unchanged

Suffering Always Changes You

Paul says, “We rejoice in hope of the glory of God more tHan we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

I can rejoice in my suffering, knowing God is using it to produce in me what I could not produce in myself.

I know if through all my suffering, there is a bigger plan for me, than I ever could imagine.

I cannot be tied to a specific outcome. My hope is not that my situation will turn out a certain way, or that God will give me exactly what I want, but rather that God will always do what’s best for me. It is a living hope in the Savior that loves me, not in an outcome I feel entitled to.

In Jeremiah 29:11 The Word says “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans I have for you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When I was diagnosed with Cancer years ago the doctor told me I had a year to live I was devastated. I thought okay God after all you have put me though and this is how I’m going to lie.

A few weeks after a very painful surgery to get the tumor removed, laying on my couch at home. I knew I was not going to die this way. I have to fight and God was going to be here for me. I bad to have radiation called Avelumab it was a new treatment they did on me. After that and my whole church praying for me, and a wonderful friend was always there to support me. The next time I went to the cancer check-up, there were no new growths. I told the doctor I was healed In Jesus Holy Name. My cancer check ups have been clear ever since.

The deepest trials make us not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. The more we endure with Christ. And find Him sufficient, the stronger our faith becomes.

So, if you have gone through a life of trials I challenge you to put yourself on a path of love, truth, and peace with God.

Have The Courage To Walk Away

There’s a interesting balancing act between walking away from people who don’t treat you well, respect you enough to respond to you, or simply don’t act like you mean much to them.

On one hand you want to be close with people so you can reach out to meet new friends. On the other hand you have a respect for yourself and pride in how to act. The middle ground can be hard to find at times. If you struggle with this again and again. At what point do you hold your head up high and walk on.

I hold myself to a high standard. A lot of the time I find myself or wanting to do something but doing it anyway because I know the other person deserves that. But I feel in many situations if it were switched around they would not do that for me.

I don’t know if it’s my generation, but it has become increasingly popular for people to just not respond to you. And not take seconds out of their day to recognize effort, and just hide. I don’t know what it is and I don’t understand what makes people do this. I think, Is it lack of respect? Do they just not like me? Do they just not care?

I was ordering some medical supplies a few days ago over the phone. When the phone call ended instead of saying goodbye they just hung up on me. I don’t know why this really bothered me. But It did I was thinking “WoW they are representing the company they work for, and that’s how they end conversations.’

AsBecome more intense I go through life, things have Become more intense. I give my heart out to people in a way that I never been capable of before and I love that about myself. But at the same time I have experience more and more attitudes that are yes big turn offs in the world. I tried to find balance between giving people chances, more often than not many, and deciding to walk away. It’s hard to let people go especially when there is no big blowup of any sort. It’s hard to turn off trying to bring Other people Joy as I can throughout my day. I try to make people smile. I tried to give them a little leg up, I’m confidence, some spark to their day that might make it all that much better.

While I do not expect the same from them, but I do look for respect, and if it’s not there, I do not try to convince them I just end up leaving. So sometimes we end up having to swallow a pill that we don’t like to swallow. It happens all the time, they keep your heart and your life end it says though you feel you’ve died because you’ve been killed inside. But yet you’re still alive which means you will survive.

Although today you may wait because you’re weak and everything seems so bleak and hopeless. The light that you are seeking it begins to seep in.

That’s the only thing keeping you from leaping the deep end. And you have to pull her self through this feeling and with a little time you should be healing. And by tomorrow you may feel good that you were willing forgive them even after all the stuff they put you through. So, see boundaries for yourself learn to know your limits. Learn to recognize when you have to walk away.

I have felt my entire life that if I try and speak to people I speak and they do not listen, or just ignore me. When I walk away. I choose to not speak to them anymore. More times that not they will come speak to me the next time they see me. I choose not to treat them the way they treated me.

Remember things change everyday, but wounds heal although the scars remain. Even if tomorrow’s gone the scars remind us of what we lived through and are all the stronger for it.

Burn your bad memories, learn from your mistakes and move forward.

You have to know how much your worth is. Before you can settle for everything, or know when to walk away.

Abandonment-You Can Thrive Again

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Whether you’re in a physical or emotional encounter everyone will cross paths with abandonment. For, many abandonment proves a negative, life-altering experience, others remain unscathed and a rare few emerge strengthened by their bout with rejection.

Why does being abandoned produce bitterness in the heart of one, yet leave another unexpected? The answer will not be found in questioning why. The answer is hidden in how you react when people choose to leave or emotionally feel abandoned.

Healing from abandonment begins by focusing not on what has happened but on how we respond when negative things do happen.

Thinking about our abandonment can be overwhelming. Losing someone through rejection or death is difficult. The feeling of betrayal or grief can lead to intense, even erratic emotional responses.

As a child I felt abandoned by my mother even though she did leave. I always knew she didn’t love me, she ignored me often and constantly push me away, or hid me from her sight.

Even though my Father would step up and let me know I was loved those times we few. His alcoholism took over many times. I was difficult for me, even into my late teens and adulthood. My abandonment issue play a huge roll in how acted, the decisions I made. For most on my life.

When is the appropriate response to actual or perceived fear! How do you handle harassing thoughts trying to convince you, you will always feel abandoned. And that defeating nagging feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach when you feel abandoned by everyone. How do you combat the fearful thoughts of thing that have happened? What about the insecurity that sneaks into your heart when you see someone treating their child the way your mother treated you. Or seeing your spouse talking with someone of the opposite sex.

But you can fight your fears and win.

It will take time and effort, but you can overthrow the fears that seek to sabotage your joy.

You can begin by unmasking the source of the fear.

I was at coffee with a friend one day. I lived with constant turmoil and crisis. This friend asked me to share my story. My first thought was that if I told her anything about me, she would not be my friend anymore. I would share some of my story and leave bad parts out.

Well, to say the least things didn’t turn out as I had planned. I started from the beginning and went until I couldn’t speak anymore because of the tears.

She noticed that I used phrases like I am just not good enough, nobody cares, why do I even get up in the morning. I devalued my life because that is what I was taught in my childhood. I thought that was normal to feel unloved, stupid, that I didn’t matter to anyone. I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy of destruction.

Have you ever created an environment for your insecurities to thrive?

It time to dethrone those harassing thoughts that devalue your self-worth, ruin your relationships, and destroy your dreams. What do you think about most that determines your feelings and fears? Let’s face it. Many people wrestle with abandonment issues, but few are willing to acknowledge the feelings of inadequacy and failure they experience as a result of being abandoned.

When and how does abandonment begin? To answer that question we must first find the source of fear. There are two types of fear. The first is healthy fear.

Can fear be healthy? Only when it stems from the reasoning part of the brain and warns of real and impending fear. For example, healthy fear acts as a warning signal cautioning a child to look both ways before crossing the street. Or it rationalizes with a teenager not to accept his friends dare to drink 10 5-hour energy drinks.

There a numerous benefits to healthy fear. On the flip side of this is an unhealthy fear that goes against our better judgment. Stemming not from logic but from emotions, unhealthy fear plays tricks on one’s ability to think sensible and balanced thoughts.

The easiest way to process feelings of fear is to consider there source. There are ways to qualify your fears, ask yourself these questions:

Can my fears be substantiated by the facts?

Are my fears replacing my faith?

Am I fearful of things or situations that do not exist?

Remember, feelings born out of negative thinking create unnecessary anxiety. Negative thoughts produce negative feelings, and negative feelings are the source of unhealthy fear.

I knew a lady named Anne she has nightmares about her daughter falling into an abandoned well and being severely injured and she is unable to come to go to her rescue. She tells me the funny things is I have never fallen into a hole neither do I know anyone that has. Why am I overtaken by fear that I will be unable to help my daughter in time of crisis?

The struggle to identify feelings associated with fear of amendment is difficult if not frustrating.

Abandonment is a complicated issue. I have felt the devastation of relationships gone wrong, the abandonment of a neglected childhood, and the injustice of feeling like I deserved the headache and heartache of abandonment.

No one reacts to abandonment exactly the same way, but there is one thread of commonality few understand the impact abandonment has upon our lives.

Trauma can take over our lives leaving us bitter and wary of friendships and trust but we can grow through them. We just have to face the emotional baggage and start thriving.

Thankful Project

On November 19th- I am thankful for friends who cheer you up and make you laugh on stressful days.

Thankful Project

November 18th- I am thankful I am able to exercise my freedom of religion.

Thankful Project

On November 17th, I am thankful for being who I am. I am unique, I am looking for loving and kind towards others. And I am the Daughter of a King.

How To Stop Comparing Ourselves To Others.

The world has done a pretty good job, of making us compare ourselves to others, That model who is prettier than you are. They tell us to try this diet and that diet, that never work.

Then we start comparing ourselves to the people around us, I wish I could be rich like them, they have a fancy car, a beautiful home, and look at their boyfriend he’s a keeper.

I’ve spent many years with the Oh I’m so deprived state of mind. Typically blaming it on my childhood I had.

I did it in school but I got older I became fixed on comparing my job title, income level, and worldly success.

There are an infinite number of categories that we can compare ourselves too and almost an equal number of people to compare ourselves. And now were flooded by social media. It’s easier than ever to find someone better to compare ourselves to. Which only serves to make us feel bad about ourselves.

Once we begin down that road of comparing ourselves to everything we never find an end.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings.

Comparisons Are Always Unfair.

We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

Comparison, By definition, Require Metrics.

Only a fool believes every good thing can be counted or measured.

Comparisons Rob Us Of Precious Time.

We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one to many.

You Are Too Unique To Compare Fairly.

Your gifts and talents and successes and contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never by properly compare to anyone else.

You Have Nothing To Gain, But Much To Lose.

We lose our pride, our dignity, drive and our passion.

There Is No End To The Possible Number Of Comparisons.

The habit can never overcome by attaining success. There will also be something or someone else to focus on.

Comparison Puts Focus On The Other Person.

You can control one life-yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples lives rather than our own.

Comparison Often Result In Resentment.

Resentment towards others and towards ourselves.

Comparison Deprive Us Of Joy.

They add no value, meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

The negative effects of comparisons are wide and far-reaching. Likely you have experienced many of then first hand in your life.

How, might we break free from this awful habit of comparison?

Be Aware Of It’s I’ll Effects.

Pay attention to the harmful effects of comparing yourself to others has on your life.

See Your Own Success.

Whether you are a musician, doctor, writer, mother, student, you have a unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your , little section of the world. With the opportunity right in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. Find motivation in them to pursue more.

Desire The Greater Things In Life.

Some of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden in plain sight: love, humility, empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely from society’s definition of success.

Every year near Christmas my community has Angel Trees, for needy children or senior citizens at local businesses. Every year I find an individual to bless. I always get a few things extra things, that I think they might enjoy. Sometimes I get to meet these individuals and sometimes not. But I value the experience always. I feel blessed because. No am not rich I’m far from it. But simple acts of kindness cannot be compared and few people do it.

Compete Less And Appreciate More.

There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been put on this earth at the exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against each other to win the faster we can start working together to figure it out. The first and important step in overcoming the habit of competition is to appreciate and complement the contribution of others.

Practice Gratitude.

Gratitude always forces us to recognize the good things we already have.

Remind Yourself Nobody Is Perfect.

While focusing on the negative is rarely, as helpful as focusing on the positives, there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome. And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to see it or not.

Find Inspiration Without Comparison.

Comparing our lives with others is foolish. But finding inspiration and learning from others is wise. Work hard to learn the difference.

Compare With Yourself.

We should strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves. Not only for our selves but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little each day. Work on being better that you were yesterday. Learn to celebrate the advancement you are making without comparing them to others.

With so many negative effects in comparison, it’s a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is tea, for most of us. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be. And the freedom we can find in comparing less is so worth the effort.