Learn To Respond, Not React

Do you have patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear?

Much of our lives is spent in reaction to others and the events around us. The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action, as a result, they can make others unhappy, making things worse for us, make the situation worse.

Why would we want to make things worse?

The truth is, we often react without thinking. It’s a cut reaction, often based on fear and insecurities, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act. Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.

Let’s take a quick example:

React: Say your child breaks something because they are angry. You immediately get angry and tell, upsetting the child and yourself, worsening the situation but not making anything better.

Response: Your child breaks something and you notice they are angry because you said “NO” you pause and take a deep breath. Your first response is to check the child to see if their Ok- is the child hurt. Then instead of yelling and upsetting you or your child, maybe sit the child down and calmly discuss why what they did was not right. Or I used to put my child in time out for about 5 minutes, then have the child help clean up. Then give them a hug.

This choice presents itself to us all the time, whether it’s a co-worker being rude or an argument with your spouse, and so on. There will always be external events that bother us, but if we learn to respond and not just react, we can make things better and not worse.

When my husband and used to fight. He would patronize me, and I used to scream at him and start crying and say things I would regret later and then he would hold everything against me. When I used to respond instead or react that we began to solve our problems.

Learn How To Respond

The main thing to learn is mindfulness and the pause.

Mindfulness means watching ourselves when something happens that might normally upset us or trigger some kind of emotional reaction. Pay close attention to how our minds react.

Then pause. We don’t have to act immediately, just because we have an eternal reaction. We can pause not act, breathe. We can watch this urge to act irrationally arise, then let it go away. Sometimes that takes a few seconds, other times it means we should remove ourselves politely from the situation and let ourselves cool down before we respond.

Pause

Now consider what the most intelligent, compassionate response might be. What can we do that will help the relationship, teach, build a better team or partnership, make the situation better, calm everyone down, including ourselves?

At first, we might mess us. But in time you’ll learn to watch your reaction and get better at the pause. Don’t be upset if you mess up-just resolve to be more mindful when it happens next time. Take a personal note of what happened to trigger your reaction, and pay attention when something like that happens again.

Be mindful, pause, then consider a thoughtful, compassionate response.

Ways To Spot A Fake Person

Friends can make life so much better, right? But not all people are the right kinds of friends, that why you need to know how to spot a face nice friend.

Have you ever had friends who go out of their way to help you! Is unnecessarily sweet to you but caught them talking crap behind your back to other people? All you wanted was then to be genuine and straightforward with you but you end up being deceived by them.

Social media had blindfolded us to the point of us being unity distinguished between a fake and a true friend. It’s time to spot your frenemies and let them go.

Here are some ways to spot the nice and from the fake ones:

They Will Accept The “Crazy” You.

The loud in the public or weird dance moves? We all possess some sort of traits that seem odd. But not to that person you call friend/s. They will love you, and not scorn your weirdness.

My odd traits laughing to loud, if something funny happens or is said you know the whole room will here my cackling loud laugh.

2. Despite Their Busy Schedule, They’ll Give You Their Time.

Real friends do that. They will definitely give you a vital place in their life. They will make time for you, no matter what. They’ll join you for coffee or a drink and hang out for a while even after that long tiring day. Not every day, though.

3. They Always Forgive and Forget As Well.

We are only humans. We make mistakes. A good friend will always forgive you, correct you, if need be. A fake one will make sure to bring up your faults one way or another.

4. They Will Stay In Contact With You.

Long-distance friendships are complicated just as long-distance love relationships. A good friend will make sure to text you, call you or skype with you once and a while.

5. Accept Your Choices.

And never criticize them. If they are truly genuine, they will support your choices, your goals and ambitions in life.

5 Ways To Spot A Fake Nice Person.

  • They want to be prioritized.
  • Gossiping is their favorite pass time.
  • They are sarcastic for no reason.
  • They are competitive with you.
  • They will let you down, always.

How To Help Someone Who Is Suicidal

Raise your hand if suicide has touched your life. Has a friend, loved one you knew died by suicide? Or perhaps has died from suicides? Or perhaps suicedal ideation is something you deal with yourself.

Suicide Warning Signs:

The rate for suicide in America has grown 300% just in the last year.

  • Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself.
  • Looking for a way to kill oneself- such as searching online or strange buying habits.
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing alcohol or drug use.
  • Acting anxious or agitated
  • Behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping touch or too little.
  • Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Losing interest in things or losing the ability to experiencing pleasure.
  • Giving all their valuables away, for no reason.

How To Save A Life

Don’t be naive enough to believe anyone in your circle of influence has even been suicidal. You can’t help anyone in a crisis if you haven’t done your homework. It is one thing to educate yourself about how to handle a suicidal friend or loved one, but it is another thing to put that knowledge to the test.

When I was suicidal, my husband would always “What would the kids do without you?” it was what I needed at the time to change my mind.

When happens once you have identified a crisis? What steps do you take to intervene and help save a life?

Here are five steps to help someone who is suicidal:

Initiate A Private Conversation. This is not a conversation you want to have at Starbucks. Invite your friend or loved one to a quiet place where they will feel safe enough to share there story. They need to know you care and your feelings for them will not change because they are considering suicide.

Be an active listener. This is the time to use your best listening skills. You will hear things that mat shock you. That shock should never show on your face. You must remain calm. Be an active listener, so you can ask follow up questions to help gauge the urgency of the situation. It is important to remember not everyone experiencing suicidal thought is in immediate danger.

Once you have listened and assessed the situation, express your concerns. This is not the time to shy away from convert about your friend or loved ones suicidal ideation. Talking about suicide does not lead to suicidal completion. They may even feel relieved that someone cared enough to ask the question. Do not pass judgment or guilt-trip them. You will have better results if you make it clear that they have your complete understanding and support.

Encourage them to seek professional help. It is great you are supporting b your friend or loved one, but remember you are not a mental health professional. This is the time to suggest they seek professional help. The first step toward help is the hardest. You can make that first step a little less daunting by helping them schedule an appointment and offering transportation to the appointment.

If the suicidal ideation escalates, take action. Once you have concluded that there is an emergency, here are your next steps:

Stay with them (as long as you are not in any danger)

Help then remove lethal means.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text talk to the crisis text line at 741741. Help is available 24/7.

Bring them to the emergency room or call 91.

Do everything in your power to help your friend or loved one to get professional help, but remove yourself from any situation the endangers your personal safety.

Take Away.

I hope today’s post helps you internalize the importance of speaking up when you are face to face with someone who is contemplating suicide. It will not be an east convert, but it will be a necessary one.

Please keeps in mind that a suicidal crisis does not last forever. Your intervention can save a life. The person may be angry with you in that moments, but they will feel differently when the crisis is over, and they have received help.

What Is Important About Pentecost?

The significance of Pentecost.

Pentecost is a very important feast for any Christian Church. This is because it marks the descent of the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Blessed Trinity, on the Apostles and Mary, the Mother of the Lord Jesus Christ. Pentecost happens fifty days after easter every year.

If you recall in the Bible that before the Ascension of Christ to heaven, He admonished His disciples to wait patiently for the Holy Spirit, who would come the energize and embolden them and also remind them of all the things Christ had told them while earth. Who is the Holy Spirit? He is known as the giver of life that proceeds from the Father.

As the Bible tells us the disciples were in the upper room worshiping and praying, when something amazing happened. There was a loud noise and the Holy Spirit descended on each of them like tongues of fire they began to speak in different languages to the astonishment of all. Now armed with divine light that enables to know the Father, once timid disciples began to proclaim the gospel with renewed vigor, accompanied by signs and wonders.

Last night I was rereading the scriptures of Pentecost. While yesterday was terribly windy. I was complaining to God how much I hated the wind. He gave me a word it was “When do you hear my spirit in the wind? My answer was never, I never hear your spirit, I am to busy trying to get out of the wind and complaining about it.

I said my prayers and went to sleep, evidently, God was not finished with me. About an hour into sleeping God woke me up asking the same question, “When do you hear my spirit in the wind?” I immediately woke up, got out and I walked outside to list to the wind. I came back in sat down at my table and began writing:

When was the last time your heard the wind of my spirit roar and the fire light up this place? When was the last time you took me at my word and met together expecting of my spirit filling up this place and these lives with God’s Glory and Power?

Lord challenge us with Pentecost. Do we believe that this was once an eternity experience never? to be repeated? That the Holy Spirit was poured out on your followers for a single purpose and ended His work at the instant? If so then maybe that is why the church seems so powerless in this age, helpless when faced with the needs both spiritually and physical, that we see the whole Lord as we meet together and celebrate once again the memory of the first Penticost, mat it is for us as it was for them a moment of empowerment, an awareness of the Glory in this dark world a life changing experience.

May everyone feel the Glory of Pentecost with a life-changing experience.

Happy Pentecost Sunday

Can Christians Have A Demon?

I once thought if you were a Christian there was no way you could have a demons.

A Christian can be oppressed, regressed, digressed, obsessed, suppressed, but never possessed. Many believe that Christians could have a demon oppressed but the demon could not be in the inside a Christian.

“How could Jesus and the Holy Spirit live on the inside of the same body in which demons reside?

Theology -VS- Experience

How are you going to face the problem of being confronted by people you know their a born again, spirit-filled believer who didn’t believe the demons were real inside them?

The fact is that experiences don’t add up to the theology. Is the experience wrong or is the theology wrong?

Christians still need to be ministered to ones that are sick in there bodies. If scripture says we are healed but people are still sick. Scripture has to be interpreted by the fact the we are healed legally by the stripes Jesus took on his back for us, but that does not automatically mean that every believer will never get sick.

I am not only convinced that a Christian can have demons, but I am convinced that there are demons that operate in the realm of theology that would have us endlessly arguing and debating over doctrine instead of meeting the needs of people who are hurting.

By his stripes we are healed. If we were healed, why would you pray for the sick.

Is it possible for believer who is baptized in the Spirit to have a demon?

Yes, the fact is that in spite of arguments that a born again believers cannot be possessed the dismaying fact that born again believers including leaders can have difficulties and problems which can find no solution in normal infirmities or endless conflict between the flesh and the Spirit. It is not secret that many have become discouraged and filled with awful despair.

God didn’t Dave us to have us arguing. He calls us to the ministry so that we help people who are hurting, wounded, and bruised.

I personally have seen demons in people. For many years I was oppressed and I felt a grotesque black figure following me. I also had an experience while I was working as a facilitator of a support group with a mental health agency. I received a call about 11:00 at night. The person told me there was a situation that needed attention and if I could come and help. I was expecting a suicide attempt. But it was a violence situation. I walked into a house where the lady was beating on her husband. The issue was the police had not been trained how to handle a mental health situation such as this. As I began talking to her her partner had gotten away from her. She started coming toward me, grabbing my arm, I actually seen the demon inside her, through her eyes, and the change of her voice tone. It was my first experience with demons. I have to say I was scared. As I spoke to her, in a calm voice, her recognize me from the support group and began it calm down. I knew nothing about casting demons out of anyone. It turned out she was diagnosed with PTSD and we were able to get her into the correct counseling area that expertise was PTSD, I ended up inviting her to church and her demon was cast out. I turned out to a happy ending.

Clearing The Confusion Over “Being Possessed”

One issue that can trip many up when thinking of Christians and demons is the idea of being possessed. Good ole Hollywood has painted a picture of demon possession that, while it is sensational and incorrect, leaves a graphic image in our minds. The word possessed is an unfortunate translation because it suggests ownership, and we know that the devil cannot own a Christian. It is somehow assumed that if you say a Christian can be possessed you are saying that a Christian can be fully owned and controlled by the devil and will manifest Hollywood -style with a spinning head and eyes popping out. They will have no control over themselves at all. That is obviously wrong. In the Bible, there is really is no difference between what has been translated as possessed and being oppressed, distressed, suppressed, obsessed, and so forth. They all simply mean that a person is, to some degree, under the influence of a demon.

Silence Is A Powerful Statement

“A wise man once said nothing.” What a great quote we should all make a note of. Silence is a powerful statement, a smart tactic, and many times a wise choice. A meaningful silence is always better the speaking meaningless words. Maybe we should give some serious thought to the fact that we have a mouth that we can close and ears we can’t close.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is speaking when we’re angry. There are a lot of people who have ruined their lives, whether on a personal or business basis by saying something foolish, thoughtless, mean, malicious, despicable, inappropriate, cruel condescending, hurtful, vicious, painful, and certainly uncalled for because we were angry.

A moment of silence in a moment of anger, saves you hundreds of moments of regret.

Anonymous

If you have to speak during a difficult situation:

  • Only speak what you know to be true.
  • Speak with integrity.
  • Never say anything about someone you wouldn’t say to yourself.
  • Avoid at all costs speaking when angry.
  • When in doubt, stay silent.

Mark Twain made a wise statement about staying silent, when dealing with idiots. He said “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” The best thing to say to idiots is nothing… stay silent.

“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool that to speak out and remove all doubt.” President Abraham Lincoln

“Speak when your angry-and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” L.J. Peter

“Silence is the ultimate weapon of power.” General Charles De Gualle

“Silence is golden when you can’t think of anything to say.” Leonardo de Vinci

“Silence is the best way to a fool. Anonymous

“Never mistake silence for ignorance.” Anonymous

“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.” Leonardo de Vinci

“The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in and language is priceless. Anonymous

Plato one said, “Wise mean speak because they have something to say, fools speak because they have to say something.”

The best thing to do when you are confused, angry, not sure, dealing with difficult people or if you want to frustrate, intimate, or irritate someone, is to stay silent. Have the maturity to know that sometimes Silence is more powerful than having the last word.