The Trick To Making Yourself Charming.

From the first moment you walk into a room people are making judgements about how much they like you. But, there may be ways to improve your chances.

Most have come across them at some point – the kind of people who walk into a room full of complete strangers but then leave with 10 new friends, a lunch date for the next day.

Charmers. What makes these lucky people so effortlessly likable? When many of us have to work so hard at it? While many would have you believe social grace or winning people over is a art form.

I have a friend like this. She can walk into a room and strangers come up her and start talking to her. I tend to shrink in my shell every time we would go somewhere with her. I used to be the person that had no confidence, timid and shy.

But learning a few tricks helped me become more self-confident.

The factors that determine our success with other people, and the impressions we make upon them, can start even before we meet them. Research shows that people we meet often make judgements purely on how we look. People we meet often make judgements about us based on our face, in a second.

Making a snap judgement on something or someone might seem rash, but we do it all the time without realizing it.

The judgements we make about someone’s face can influence financial decisions. There was an experiment done where borrowers who were perceived as looking less trustworthy were less likely to get a loan on a face to face lending interview. Lenders were making these judgements based on appearance in spite of having the borrowers employment status and credit history right in front of them.

Of course, while you may not be able to change the physical features of your face it is possible to alter your expressions and smile. Putin a happy face. Believe it or not we can manipulate our faces to look more or less trustworthy, allowing us to change our features to make us look more trustworthy.

While something like dominance, as nightly related to our natural features there are things like trustworthiness and even attractiveness. I carry myself as if I am dominate over every one. But, if people get to know me, I am kind and generous, the very trustworthy. But, people that make judgements by my face never take the time to get to know me. So being happy and smiling even if I am having a bad day.

People will perceive a smiling face as more trustworthy, warmer and sociable.

One of the major imputes to these impressions is emotional expression. You can manipulate your face to become more trustworthy or extroverted, emotional expressions emerge -the face becomes happy.

For those who situations where our first impression has not been so good as we might haves hoped, there is hope- we can still win people over so the forget their first snap judgement.

We can override our first impression quickly based on appearance. If you have the opportunity of meet meeting someone again say something to them for example: You know they have a horse and like to ride tell them something like I seen you riding your horse the other night at the rodeo, you sure a good rider, what a beautiful horse. I just got my child a horse and I would love to ride too, I had a horse growing up. If you can impress someone they will often forget about what they thought when they first saw you, even if it was negative.

Channel your charm- This is where charm can come in. Charm is a like ability and how delightful it is to interact with someone. Interpersonal skills are becoming increasingly important.

It’s possible to train yourself to be charming. If you know who Johnny Carson was an example of someone who preferred being alone, but he learned how to be extremely sociable for the Camera.

But, most of the 98% of the time he went home after the show rather than choosing to socialize with the others on the set. Carson was an extreme introvert who trained himself to be a extrovert.

Raising eyebrows, So what can the rest of us do to be more charming?

The three major things we can do is when we approach someone that signals we are not a threat is an eyebrow flash, a slight head tilt, and a smile.

Our brains are always surveying the environment around us for friend of foe signals. The three things above should be done quickly. So now that you have made your entrance without talking to yourself or murmuring like a maniac.

The golden rule of friendship is if you make someone feel good about themselves, they’re going to like you. But, it on,y works if you show a genuine interest in what they are saying.

Imagine the other person is a character in a movie you like. Those characters become most fascinating the more you learn about them. You’ll find yourself observing and showing genuine interest in their mannerisms and personality. Maintaining eye contact will give the impression of interest.

I myself have a difficult time remembering names. I choose to connect their names to something. Like if their name is Jessie, I connect that name with Jessie James.

If all that fails, interest can be faked. Focus on the different colors in their eyes. By maintaining that level of eye contact, it will give the impression of interest.

Make empathic statements that might reflect some of what the other person is feeling.

For example if you see someone at the gas station getting gas, next to you. If they look pleased you can say, you look like your having a good day? He explains that he went on too say he just aced a test at school that he’s spent week studying for. That entire exchange made him feel good about himself.

If know more about the person you’re speaking with, you can be even more effective

I once was at a restaurant having lunch, when this man came up to my saying. Do I know you, I automatically was thinking he was going to put the moves on me, so I said, I don’t think so. Getting ready to tell him was married. When he said I think we went to school together. But you look younger than me. What year did you graduate? I told him, and he said I remember you, we did go to school together. I asked his name and he told me, I remembered his name, but not his face. He said I looked good for being my age. We had a conversation and when we parted ways. I really felt good for having a great conversation with him.

Charming people is often skilled at finding common ground with the people they interact with.

When you cannot find common ground, a good idea is to talk about current events. But stay away from discussing politics. If you disagree with the other person, it likely not to end well.

Watch body language, a key is to mirror the body language of the other person. It is a signal that gives good vibes to the other person.

Revealing details about yourself little by little, like breadcrumbs so each new piece of information acts as curiosity hooks to keep their interest going.

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Dealing With Change

Change is unavoidable and a constant in our lives. Sometimes we can control it, but other times we can’t. Most often we cannot control change. Our jobs or roles change and not always for the better.

Fortunately, there are ways to adapt to change and take advantage of it.

We have to learn how to cope with many things in our lives. But once we learn we can deal with change in a positive way.

Find the humor in situations. Trying to funny moment during an otherwise unfunny situations can be a fantastic way to create humor you need to see vexing problem from a new perspective. It can also feel better as well.

Rod A. Martin studied the effects of different styles of humor, he found out that witty banter, affirmative humor, can lighten the mood and improve social interaction. Just make sure it’s respectful. A rule of thumb is that other people’s strife in no laughing matter buy your own struggles can be a source of comedic gold.

Talk about your problems more than your feelings.

One of the most common myths of coping with unwanted changes is the idea we can work through our, anger, our fears, and our frustrations by talking about them a lot, this isn’t always the case. Rather than keeping them hidden inside that only causes pain and depression. Actively and rested,y broadcasting negative emotions hinder our natural adaptation process.

I was alway told to suck it up or ignore your troubles . Instead call out your anxiety or ignore our your anger at the outset of a disorienting change so that you are aware of how it might distort your thinking or disrupt your relationships. Then look for practical advise about what to do next. By doing so, you’ll zero in on the problems you can solve, instead of laminating the ones you can’t.

I once went to a support group for depression. I was naturally nervous but I learned ways to cope with change and met people who had similar issues and Sharing problems and ways to cope with change.

Don’t stress out about stressing out.

Our beliefs about stress matter. I the upside of stress, your reaction to stress has a bigger impact on your health and success than stress itself. If you believe stress kills you, it will. If you believe stress I trying to carry you through a challenging situation, you’ll become more resilient and may even live longer.

A good rule is when you feel stressed, ask yourself what your stress in trying to help you accomplish. Is stress trying to help you excel at an important task. Is it trying to help you endure a tough situation or a temporary shift in life? Is it trying to help you successfully exit a Toxic situation?

Stress can be a good thing – if you choose to see it that way.

Focus on your values instead of your fears.

Reminding ourselves of what’s important to us, family, friends, our relationship with the Lord, convictions, great music, creative expression, and so on. We can create a surprising powerful buffer against whatever troubles may be ailing us. I personally when I am stressed out, praying to my Lord, and getting into His word. It takes way my stress and I usually learn something along the way.

Spending 10 minutes a day to strengthen your mind with a simpme exercise writing about a time when a particular value that has positively affected you. It helps to go back to those when your feeling down or struggling with problems to uplift yourself. It helps us realize that our personal identity can’t be compromised by a challenging situation.

Accept the past, but fight for the future.

Even though we are never free from change, we are always free to decide how to respond to it.

The one thing that we must do if you want to have a happy life is dealing with change, and accept it.

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How You Treat Others Is A Reflection.

When you think of a hateful person, what do you think of? Someone with biting sarcasm and so much nastiest about then that they’re a human repellent? I’ve known people like that- so mean spirited it’s a wonder they could stand themselves.

Then again, maybe they couldn’t and that why they’re so mean.

When I learned this I immediately understood. But, remember it goes both ways. Regardless of the hatefulness a person acts. It is how they think about themselves that comes out.

Sadly, there are a lot of people who are full of hate and this makes them spiteful.

This was me. I had so much hate and pain in my life that it spewed out from every pore in my body. I had no friends, my own children didn’t even want to be around me.

Spiteful or Malignant:

This is what was come out of me: I was disposed to cause harm, suffering, or stress deliberate and very dangerous or harmful in influence or effect.

Ugly stuff right? It’s especially ugly when you think of a truth we’ve all had or heard for years. How we treat others say more about us than it does them.

I immediately start thinking about myself. How I treated others, how others treated me.

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a a difficult battle.

T.H. Thompson

I couldn’t imagine that me or anyone else would wake up every morning and decide we’d want to be spiteful today. Yes, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going so spread destruction, suffering, and hatred.

I’m sure people aren’t evil enough to do that. And there’s not any human Grinches walk around. Having a sour disposition that has crept up on them and they don’t even realize it. They have been a negative, cynical, pessimistic, and hateful person without even realizing it.

All bad habit’s take root in our lives. Overtime they slowly soak into us, they have become one of us. If we leave it to our own devices, they come to define us.

Thief is nothing worse that being considered hateful. Sometimes I think some people treat others badly because of the hateful seed deep within themselves,

Recently I met someone that needed prayer and support. I spoke to them and asked if they needed prayer and needed to talk. When I was finished praying for that person I gave them my name and phone number so if they wanted to talk they could call me. Immediately after we went out separate ways. Someone came up aa d said I can’t believe you were even talking to her. She is a horrible person. I in return asked them if they even knew her, her story, her pain. They said well No! They said I don’t know her I just heard they we’re. I told them I choose to love people and support them, rather than believing what some person said about them. I would like to get to know her before I judged her on what other people say.

Seriously there are people like this person in the would. Just because someone started saying something about someone doesn’t make it true.

I often wonder what is wrong with humanity and how such people could exist, just because a group or a few friends agree with a lie and keep spreading it. Doesn’t make it true. They’re hate will slowly turn to sadness.

Kindness, is like a boomerang, it always returns to us.

Anonymous

We have to face that for anyone to say such hate-laced words about someone they don’t know they are filled with hate and ugliness themselves

Whatever you let pour into your soul it comes out of you. If you put hate into your body, hate will come out.

A shout out to those of us who outnumber the Nasty Nellies who refuse to say bad things about a person because it was said it was truth by another, bring kindness and joy into the world not hate and destruction.

I try to remember that what people say is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. But, sometimes it is difficult for me to think they are acting out how they feel about themselves.

Begin today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.

Extend to then all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward.

Your life will never be the same again.

Of Mandino

November -10th

Today I am thankful for the peace in my soul. And the wisdom of the Lord.

Are You Sitting Under A Dark Cloud?

Do you sometimes feel like you are sitting under a dark cloud and cannot break free? And you know your supposed to stop looking at the negative so much but you just can’t help it.

Most of us know about the power of an optimistic mindset. It makes you more resilient, a better action taker and you also end up having better days and you are taking steps in the direction of your dreams.

But it’s not always the easy. You can’t force yourself into happy feelings, so what are you supposed to do?

There are steps you can take to Rewire yourself with unrelenting positivity, so you can go through life with a sling in your step. And have a much time bringing your dreams to reality.

Here’s why you are sitting in the dark in the first place.

You have some energetic Clutter that needs to be cleared out.

Just from going through life we have a lot of clutter that attaches to us. Limiting beliefs, negative feelings, fears and doubts, and other people’s energy.

Depending on on how old you are and what you’ve experienced in your life, you might have 20/30/40/50 years of clutter.

So your feeling exhausted. Of course you are unhappy. Of course you feel stuck.

If you have never learned to release your emotional baggage, so now you are feeling the heaviness of what you’ve been carrying around with you

So now you’re feeling the heaviness of what you’ve been carrying around with you all these years.

Just like you take a shower and wash off toxins from the outside world, you would ideally also take an inner shower to wash the inside too.

You have some unresolved trauma that’s ready to be healed.

You more than likely have traumas of some sort. Neglect by a parent when you were little, being bullied at school, loss of a sibling, moving frequently.

If you’ve experienced trauma in the past that you haven’t been healed from. It could be ready to bubble over to the surface ready to come out.

It’s very uncomfortable to feel down. But sometimes our inner wounds come and tap us on the shoulder, almost saying you can heal me now.

I used to feel so depressed and that dark cloud would follow me around for days, or weeks. I come to know that my issues in my external life were contributing to that dark cloud I was sitting under.

Many of us have to realize we are a master at putting our fires in our life. It took me a long time not to feel stupid standing in front of the mirror every day, telling myself I loved you, to a person I hated, I hated my life and everything in it.

I was unhappy and hated God for letting me born. I had to learn to love myself, before I could deal with my inner baggage.

For many there are several areas of their lives that are an ongoing source of frustration. And feel like their dreams are out of reach.

It’s okay, if you feel this way. Most people struggle setting up there lives so there lives support them and not the other way around.

Here are some steps to be effortlessly optimistic.

Start a daily every healing practice

There is nothing wrong with you at a,, if your feeling down. Whether it’s something you’ve struggled with for a long time or if you’ve been feeling like this just recently.

It took me many many years to learn these steps. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I went through.

Practice daily energy healing practice. There’s no better time to start healing from old wounds. I used the Bible for energy healing, there are many Bible verses that I meditate on that bring energy and healing

But, there are energy healing practices online if you don’t want to use the Bible.

The more you do energy meditations, the more you will clear out your inner junk. Overtime you will feel lighter than ever before and the dark cloud will lift.

Resolve Your Family And Childhood Trauma.

It important of healing your family system. 80-90% of our issues come from our family system and childhood. Don’t let anything settle, talk about it as a family. Get together and sit and eat supper together. Most conversations about issues in the family, are discussed around the supper table. I never worried where my family ate as long as they ate. This was a huge mistake that I learned too late.

It’s very important to work on your external world along with your inner world.

They say people seem to be happiest when they live in a beautiful home they love, have plenty of money in the bank, have a loving relationship. That is true, but you can’t expect to have a happy life, if you feel your need to healed from trauma in your life. None of that works unless your happy within yourself.

Healing the wounds of our past is the great gift we can give yourself. I heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders when I could finally release the trauma that was pulling on my nervous system it was a life-changing experience.

I was able to heal from past trauma, and begin to heal the hurt I had put my family.

Cleaning Up Your Life

When we were and figuring it all out can be very messy. It is especially difficult when you try to do it all on your own. You cannot create a better life in isolation and without guidance. I was not lucky to have my spouse or anyone else to support me during this time. They had all given up on me. So, I had to find people to support me outside of my home. That’s when I found God, or He found me.

I decided I needed friends and doctors to help me through the traumas I’ve been through. Thankfully I found the right doctors and when I decided to start going to church, I became friends who were very supportive.

Everything begun to get better for me, not my home life but my inner issues.

Yes, I still had difficult times, but I always knew I could call for support when I needed it.

The dark cloud lifted. But, it was a difficult road working on my family life, and getting them where they could trust me again. But it was so worth it.

We are closer and I know I have a family I can count on.

It took me awhile to realize I had to choose to change. My advise is never give up. Even if you fail. Pick yourself up and start again.

The Unlimited Insight Of Intuition

Intuition is that power of Spirit inherited by the soul by which truth is perceived directly without any other faculty.

Everyone has intuition, even you.

Intuition is soul guidance, appearing naturally in a person during those instants when their mind is calm. Nearly everyone has had the experience of an inexplicably correct hunch or has transferred his thought accurately to another person.

Everyone has the power of intuition, as they have the power of thought. As thought can be cultivated, intuition can be developed. In intuition we are in tune with reality. With the world of bliss, with the unity in diversity with the winners laws governing the spirit world, with God.

But it needs to be developed:

In the life of every person, tow forces of knowledge and operative from birth. The power of human reason, along with it’s satellites of sensation, perception, conception, and so forth.

The power of intuition, the former is developed through our social lives and interaction. The latter usually remains uncultured, undeveloped, because of the want of proper guidance and methods of training.

As long as one’s intuition remains undeveloped, they are guided mainly by the limited understanding of mortal intelligence, with only occasional prompting of intuitive wisdom. Therefore, people engage in some good actions, but also many wrong actions, and acquire many bad habits. Through the operation of the law of cause and effect, or karma, they find themselves following helplessly his own self created destiny, which often lead to misery.

Life can be successful, healthy, and complete, balanced with wisdom and happiness when activity is guided by God’s inner intuitive direction.

The only way to know and to live in truth is to develop the power of institution. Then you’ll see a life that has meaning, and that no matter what you are doing the inner voice is guiding you.

While animals are guided primarily by instinct and the ordinary person is guided by their ego, yogi who is united the herself is guided by the soul.

Today November 4th I am thankful that God has opened up a door for me to be of help in the ministry of sending people to rehabilitation for their addictions. Thank You Lord for this opportunity.