What Are You Fighting For?

It’s easier to stay on course when you know what your fighting for.

When you don’t know what you’re fighting for, if you’ve had a course to begin with. You can avoid decisions altogether and the ones you make will lead you in confusing directions.

When we reach a fork in the road, ask your self which way would stay true to your reason why. You may not know all the details about the forks, but you’ll be happy than you can lean on your reason why and make an objective decision.

Sometimes it’s not good enough to have just any reason why. Some reasons are ineffective, and others can lead to sacrifice other important things.

While many choices are not life threatening they always alter our lives. The best reasons why are the ones that will benefit lots of other people. Every decisions you make in your life has consequences. When you fight to change that will help others and other people will want to help you. Some may rally around your cause and give you time and resources you don’t even ask for.

What ever you decide to fight for, you have to believe in this deep in your heart. It has to make you feel something.

If it makes other people feel something too, you’ll be able to accomplish more than most people dream of.

I’m fighting to help people realize there is a better way to live life, rather than having low self-worth and being depressed. Realizing you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think is an amazing gift that I believe is locked inside of all of us.

The world is place when you change your life and the way you feel about yourself, and be positive rather than negative.

When I fight for these things. I feel like I’m doing what I was meant to do. That’s how I know these goals are worth pursuing.

I’ve always feel my purpose was to help people through their life when they struggle. I have lived a life of wrong decisions and rough roads, but that doesn’t mean anyone else should have to. If people can learn from my mistakes, maybe they won’t suffer as much as I did.

God wants what’s best for us. Fight for what you need and never give up.

Stand Up For Yourself In Any Situation

Every day we many dozens of choices that either benefits or diminish us, sometimes it seems it’s easier to go with the flow to avoid conflict. But the truth is that letting people walk all over us can increase feeling of stress and anxiety, and might eventually lessen your feels of self-worth and lead to our insecurities.

Learning you stand up for yourself will help you take charge of your life. We need to believe in our own power to reach your dreams. The stronger you feel, the stronger you will become.

For almost thirty years, I chose to go with the flow saying ”I don’t care what happens” basically I let people control my feelings, my opinion, and my life. This finally reached the point where I knew things had to change. I had to build up the strength to stand up for myself. I told myself I couldn’t do this. I was actually at the point that I was seriously thinking about getting in my car and driving away. Changing my name so no one could find me.

Here are a few ideas that might help:

It might be hard at times, but when you learn to express yourself openly and honestly it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Too often we hide behind a half-hearted smile and nod instead of saying what we think. It does take practice, but learning to be the real you and be open about what you are feeling or thinking is a great step.

Take small powerful steps:

If you’re struggling with being assertive start taking small to stand up for yourself. Here is a simple example, I would finish weekly grocery shopping about the time my husband got off of work. I would be lugging the in the groceries and he would walk right by me. Finally, I told him he needs to help me carry the groceries in. To my shock, he said anytime I needed help with that to ask him. That’s the last thing I expected him to say. A small powerful step that led to respect.

Even just learning to walk with your head held high, shoulders back will help you appear and feel more confident. Transfer that confidence in dealing with others. Attitude can apply to all areas of your life. Feeling annoyed at the person who won’t show you respect. Ask them to help you in a situation like bringing in the groceries because it’s difficult for you. See an extra charge on a restaurant bill. Stand up for your self dispute it.

When someone attack you, wait it out

As you learn to be more confident in expressing yourself, you’re also going to have to learn to face those who want to override. There will always be people whose personalities are set to attack mode. It’s important to remain calm but assertive if you feel someone’s trying to bully you. Don’t allow tour to get frazzled or react with low blows. Don’t cater to them or allow them to badger you either. Walk the high road, stand your ground.

Figuring out what’s really bothering you

Going with the flow for purposes of not making waves creates more stress and anxiety for yourself. Of course, getting to courage to face something that’s bothering you can be scary. But, facing the issue will empower you to make it better and diminishes the control it has over you. It’s best to remember people cannot read your mind, if you don’t vocalize what is bothering you, no one will know.

Clarify first without attacking

It’s tempting to take a self-righteousness stand, especially if you are sure your right. From your viewpoint, you are justifying defending yourself against someone who seems to be in the wrong. But its impo to resist the urge to react with emotion. Take a deep breath and calmly explain your perspective to them. Avoid combative tones and accusatory words. Say exactly what you mean and listen to their response. Then a real discussion can begin to take place.

After you build up enough confidence and get the hang of what it means to stand up for yourself. It’s time to practice asking for what you want as often as possible. When someone says something to you disagree with, or you feel push into doing something you don’t want to do, say something.

Stick with this new assertiveness for a couple of months and you might be surprised at the results.

Forgiving But Not Forgetting

I’m sure every one have heard the advice forgive and forget. I for one do not take this advice. I can forgive easily. But I can’t forget.

It’s normal to hear a person who has been betrayed or hurt by someone saying they have forgiven but they will not forget. This usually follows through with their refusal to trust the person ever again.

Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.

My father

A once comfortable relationship has been reduced to polite hello’s and there is no mistaking the marked difference in the interaction.

I have a good friend, I considered her my best friend. We were both in an organization, she was the President and I the Vice President. Things were going great. We we’re doing fundraisers for the non-profit organization to help our community.

One day we had our monthly meeting. She gets up to lead the meeting. And without any hesitations, she said I’m resigning, I was in shock, I was devastated that she had withheld telling me before the meeting, with her resigning I was bumped up to President. I was angry, sad, and hurt. That she hadn’t said anything to me.

I was not at all prepared, I didn’t know how to do the paperwork, So, I thought okay here I am in this position I guess I’m winging it. Talking to people after this happened I found out that she had told two people that she was going to resign but didn’t take the time to tell me. This made me angrier. So I stopped all contact for a year.

In the Bible, it says to forgive even as God has forgiven us. I’m Mark 11:25-26 it states that when we pray we ought to forgive as this is a prerequisite for receiving our own forgiveness. So, one can clearly see that forgiving others is for one’s own benefit, he points out.

It took me a year to forgive her, to bring myself to have a conversation with her and be kind and respect her. But I still can’t forget what she did to me.

Now we are in another organization together I am Chapin and she is president again, I can help think it’s only a matter of time before it happens again.

As a Christian, I will be polite and humble but I will also know how the Vice President will feel. And I will help her to get over how she feels.

We see in the Bible that Jesus did not entrust himself to the crowd. He knew well that one day the adoring crowd could shout ’Hasanna’ one day and Crucfy Him the next.

Trust has to be earned. It is one thing to forgive someone. That is a free gift, but trust needs to be earned.

Let’s just say we trusted to let someone borrow our car and they drove it drunk and was in an accident. It would be fooling to hand over the keys to them again in the name of forgiveness when they have failed to demonstrate true repentance accompanied by a genuine change of behavior.

Dealing with someone who has wronged you in the past and giving them a fresh start is no different than dealing with someone you just met.

You would not invite someone in your home and give them access to your bank and valuables after the first meeting. You have no prior his, so there is no issue of unforgiveness. The issue is then one of estaua basis for trust.

There are citing’s in the Bible such as Peter being restored after betraying Jesus. Paul after persecuting Christians being restored after conversion, and king David restoring his son Absalom even to his own detriment.

Sometimes when we talk about restoring a person we need to be discerning about what should be the appropriate level of fellowship. There are some instances where the one who betrayed and hurt us was placed in a position that they ought not have occupied in the first place.

Many have the notion that when God forgives, he automatically entrusts us with what we had before. Many fallen people have never returned to the promises they had before.

An example: If you had a great position at work, but you altered the paperwork so, you are favored and your boss sees the alteration. You might be demoted to a less paying position.

If there were full restoration Adam and Eve would have been allowed back into Eden and Moses would have crossed into the promise land.

The hurt someone has caused you should not rehearse the hurts of the past if they ever want to be healed of the effects and be empowered to move forward.

You should not forget how people have hurt you, but you should also not dwell on that hurt. Forgiving allows us to move forward.

Learn Ways To Cope With Feeling Defensive

What do a balled-up porcupine and a linebacker have in common? They’re both pros at getting defensive. And when we are faced with criticism, we are ready to project a ball of spines or prepare for the tackle. Getting defensive helps us protect our character and our sense of competence.

There are lots of ways we do this: we distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for failure, and judge others in order to continue seeing ourselves in a positive light. Or we during or otherwise self medicate to cope with threats to our self image and self-esteem.

The trouble is getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself usually backfires. It pushes people away, makes up look immature, and sends a message that we are unable to regulate our emotions. At the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with a threat. But in the long-term, it undermines and our relationships. When we lash out at people, we dig ourselves a deep hole.

Let’s look at a few ways that might regulate your mood, and stop getting defensive.

Remind Yourself Of Your Deepest Values

Remembering our core beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. You can do this with confronting the criticism at hand.

So, if your feeling defensive after your boss gives you a bad work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past work place triumphs, focus instead on the areas where you felt confident, whether its a commitment to living healthy, you faith, you readiness to help others, you passion for writing, drawing, building things, and any other value you hold dear. By focusing on your values you can store up your self-esteem, and reduce the need to get defensive.

See Criticism As A Sign Of Others Belief In Your Abilities

Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your worth. At that age, the feedback you got from leaders, couches, and friends made a huge impact.

For many kids of color for example, it’s that this age that they started to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. Both praise and critical feedback can be confusing for kids of color how can they be sure criticism is justified or just driven by bias?

When I was in high school we had a colored kid come into our school, there were a lot of student staring at him and a few remarks at first. But, he was very kind. The next year he joined the rodeo club. Watching him I said to myself ”WoW he can ride a bull that’s cool” he was very good. After they found out that he could ride,most people wanted to friend with him. He was the only colored boy in our school. Yes, it was hard at first, I’m sure more for others.

There were a few that had gotten defensive about the whole situation. Having to sit by a ”colored boy” at school. He is still in our town, and the whole town loves him. He is in a wheelchair now, from being thrown off a bull just after high school but, he is still as kind as he always was. Even though no one ever says to him I believe in you or I know you are capable. He always did his best.

So how does this apply to you? Even if don’t hear the words I believe in you or I know you are capable. If you know your mom, your boss, or your partner is offering you feedback so you can achieve great things. Remind yourself of their faith in you and your criticism will go down easier.

We usually think of defensiveness as getting verbally abusive. But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in a lot of ways, we might trash talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. I favorite I love retail therapy,

These methods might make us feel better, but they channel our energy into defensiveness rather than moving forward.

How can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? If you receive criticism that is cruel or insulting no one expects to you grow from it- go ahead and use your time and energy repairing those wounds.

But if the feedback is meant to help you or is neutral and objective- like scoring 37% on a test, or essay rather than channeling your energy into soothing yourself you will be better off if you channel your energy into improving yourself. Take a step back. Adopt a growth mindset and take critical feedback as a chance to get better and better.

Okay you say, that’s all fine and good- I can affirm my deepest values, interpret feedback as the fact that others believe in me, and trust that I can grow. But would about in the moment? How can I manage that split second when it’s just so tempting to follow your instincts and defend myself?

The answer is to make it through that moment waiting to react. Just let the adrenaline surge to gather your thoughts. You can do this few ways.

The first option is use filler words and let the other person continue speaking. You could say Go on or Oh? Say more about that and then use their airtime to take a few slow breathes and consider how you’d like to respond.

The second option is to alternatively stay silent. A slightly awkward pause buys you time and, as a bonus, throws them off their game.

Once you’ve composed yourself, it’s time for the last step.

Use I statements.

This is something I learned in class called Bridges. It’s very useful.

I statements are key to reducing defensiveness. Why? You can make your own feeling known without slinging accusations, which are a one -way ticket to escalating the conflict. Plus, no one can argue with your opinion or your feelings.

I statement focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive

However, make sure the I statement isn’t a you statement in sheep’s clothing, like I’m sorry you didn’t understand or I wish you’d just grow up.

Better I am not comfortable with this. I have a difficult time listening to you when you raise your voice. Or I get frustrated when you remind me over and over. It makes me feel like you don’t trust you. Sometimes a simple I hear what your saying, is enough to defuse the tension and have a real conversation.

Leave great defense to the balled-up porcupine. It might make us feel better but in the end, we get a lot farther leading with our best selves.

You Are More

You are more than you think.

Somewhere out there, someone is crying for the tenth time today becitneir a loved one let them down in a big way. Again.

Someone is tapping concealer around their eye, wincing at the pain, and repeating silent excuses for their partner who hit them.

Somebody else is sitting listfully at work trying to remember who they were before their relationship began to take. Over every piece of their existence.

Another spends their entire day unraveling bit by bit as they attempt to let out every silent scream.

Humans are great at settling for toxic situations for a million different reasons and whatever we think are good reasons.

We love them

We think they can change

We think we could fix them

It isn’t that bad

We’re just overreacting

We don’t want to rock the boat

This is all we know

Were to scared to leave

Were too addicted to go

We stay because we think we have to

We settle because it’s easy

We settle

We stay

We freeze

And somewhere deep down, we know better. But we make excuses to stay stuck.

In my own life, I have settled 100 different ways for a million different reasons. And the pay off has never been good. It amounts to something pretty cheap. Like your dreams and your soul in exchange for your mere survival.

The kind of survival that gets you nowhere, beyond empty.

But we do it anyway. And repeatedly, and every time we settle we’re telling ourselves that we don’t matter. Other people can pursue their dreams, but not us,

We seek ourselves, short like this, in most cases, no-one will come to our rescue. We’ve locked our true selves up in our own prison without a hope of ever leaving

We might talk about the elusive someday. But someday is barely acwish and hardly a hope. Someday leads us nowhere fast,

If you want more out of life you’ve got to believe that there is more out there. And if you want to get anywhere you’ve got to be your own biggest believer.

In our culture, there’s this fine line between believing in oneself and having confidence. We put up an air of confidence that’s more or less a show. Because that’s what is expected. A lack of confidence is seen as weakness.

A deep belief in oneself is counterculture in a world that constantly asks, Who the hell, do you think you are?

Well…why do you think you are?

Far too many of us grew up again to think we might be something. Do your best, get good grades, obey your teachers and parents but never get cocky. We’re just lucky to be here. If it wasn’t us, it would be someone else.

It’s true to an extent. If I haven’t had started this blog you would never know I exist. If I never took a leap to believe in myself seven months age. I’d still have no idea what I could do.

At some point, I decided I was sick of settling. And I did something about it once I decided I was worth more.

You are all are worth more than you think. There is something only you can do. Your voice is yours alone. If you stay where you’re at and settle, so one will take your place, so you speak. But there will never be anyone just like you, with your unique message and voice.

If you never take a real risk, you will never know how much you can accomplish just because you believed in yourself and your work,

Who knows where your dreams will take you if you decide to not let them die!

You are worth more than you think. You’re better than the situations you settle for. You are made for more than a life where love is stagnant or pain.

You just have to start believing that’s true.

Today Is National Prayer Day.

Even if you do not follow God. I’m sure we agree this World is in a bad place.

Let your gentleness be evident all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Every election season brings a certain degree of anxiety or uneasiness. The national elections of 2020 or {5781} are bringing out, what seems to me, a greater level of anxiety and anger than most elections cycles.

There are a number of choices being made. Some develop a posture of being above it all. Jesus is my king and I’m not lowering myself into the conflict. Certainly, we need to have a Godly worldview that recognizes the temporary nations of nations, elections, and culture itself in the light of eternity. Taking the path the Jesus Himself did not withdraw from culture or even the politics of His day. He waded into some of the most controversial issues that decides Israel in His day, while at the same time, insisting the His kingdom was not of this world.

There’s another extreme that is also very prevalent. It happens when followers of Jesus forget that the advance of the Kingdom of Christ is not dependent upon who is president of the United States is. Ignoring that can cause us to become combative, angry, and overemphasize the importance of this or any election. In this posture, we forget that those in another political party or backing a different candidate are not our enemies. We can find ourselves demonizing others and forgetting the law of love.

In the midst of a divisive, tense and angry time, how she we live in this political world?

Take a look at the Apostle Paul for a clear, powerful direction. To the Philippians and us. Paul gives instruction: Let your gentleness be evident to all.

What a contrast this is to what is currently taking place. Gentleness, Piece, and Prayer. That how we approach an election season. And I believe that Paul even shows us how to do that. In the midst of his commands he says, he says The Lord is near. We often immediately rush into the second coming when we read this. But I’m not sure that’s what Paul is saying. The Lord is near. He is close. He is right beside you. We can’t live without this gentleness, His Peace. Pray today and always for our leaders. We are in a time of choice.

I believe God is giving us a window of time, but that time is soon over. We need to vote the Bible when we are voting. The people in this world have decided who is best. But I vote the Bible Gods laws are there for a reason. They are good and pure. They have never failed me yet and I don’t expect that they will fail me again.

Pray for gentleness, and peace for the nation’s today.