Winning The Battle Inside Your Mind

The foundational assumption that we often make when listening to our negative thinking is that our inner critic knows what it’s talking about. The truth is, our minds feed us messages that range from mild embellishments “My boss doesn’t like me” to outright lies “I’m not qualified to do anything.” This doesn’t mean that’s there’s something wrong with us. It just means we’re human, and that we have to be particularly cautious when tuning in to our inner monologue.

Once we realize that the negative thought grabbing our attention might not be true, we have the power to combat it. Fighting against our own thoughts swiftly and decisively demands focus and discipline, but it’s a practice we can develop anytime negative thinking gets in our way.

Prove Yourself Wrong

One of the best ways to enter combat is to imagine yourself as a prosecutor and your negative thought as the defendant, in court he/she is guilty, and you know it. But their pleading not guilty and sticking to their story. Your task is to get the judge to hear your side. So when the negative thought shouts out. “You’re not good at anything, because… and fill in the rest of that sentence with the strongest piece of evidence you can find:

“I am good at something because I can type and do secretarial work. I am a good communicator and can successfully do things my boss needs me to do and do them accurately and swiftly.”

You get to the point. Bring your best version of a tough lawyer to the courtroom and convince the judge that the negative thought doesn’t deserve his attention. After all the judge is you. And once you convince yourself, you can get back to whatever you’d rather be focusing on.

Battle The Confirmation Bias

There’s one important and rather unfortunate catch to this courtroom metaphor: The judge has been bribed by your negative thought. What I mean by that is the judge is naturally leaning toward his side of the argument at the start. In order to win the judge over, you need compelling, emotionally charged evidence. The judge will listen to you, but you really have to win him over.

We’ve all had this experience. As soon as a negative thought enters your mind, such as “I don’t that lady,” it’s really hard to get rid of it. This tendency for our minds to tightly grab hold of this initial belief we have about something-is what psychologists call the confirmation bias. Even if there is good evidence right in front of us that this lady possesses some high quality characteristics, we easily discount that evidence, or forget about it quickly. Our tendency is to confirm our original position. We’re not all fair judges when we evaluate our view of ourselves and the world.

This making fighting back a tough job. But the good news is that each time we fight a negative thought, such as “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing at work,”with strong evidence like this “I deserve to be here because….’ we chip away at that belief. The day that we no longer believe we don’t deserve to be here we release the grip on the confirmation bias. It may take time, but the freedom of an un-persecuted mind is earned through persistence.

And if you really are feeling stuck overcoming that grip of your negative thought and just can’t prove it wrong, sometimes an outside perspective helps. Seek out a trusted advisor- anyone from a friend to a counselor whose advice you really respect- and ask for their respective. Assuming they don’t hold the same negative belief, they’ll be free f the confirmation bias that’s holding you back and might help you identify a way past it.

When I was in the negative thinking mode from my past experience. I had to find a friend that wild tells me positive things for quite a long time before I learned todo it for myself.

Reframe With A Silver Lining

Sometimes our negative thoughts are so vague and general that they’re hard to fight back with evidence. When you wake up and think, “Today is going to be so terrible,” a better strategy for combatting is to reframe. Pause and recognize that inherent pessimism is that thought. The truth is, you have some control over how you tell the story of this day as it unfolds, and even if you’re going to face some challenges along the way, you have the ability to interpret what they mean to you and how you might learn from them. Try to imagine a specific person you admire for their approach to life ( like your grandmother or grandfather) and when they catch themselves thinking a negative thought that’s getting in their way but is too ambiguous to take to court, Imagine how your grandparent would handle it. For example, they might say, “Today is an opportunity to really see what I’m made of.”

Getting stuck in pessimistic assumptions about what might happen is a pain. Seeing the possibility in a situation is motivating. Optimism has power and when optimism is package together with the evidence we use to disprove our negative thoughts, we find ourselves with very capable boxing gloves ready to jab back when those pesky negative thoughts take a swing at us.

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The Value In Being Alone

Many think aloneness is a negative state of being. The world doesn’t help us with this notion either, being alone often carries a social stigma, implying isolation, and being on the outside of everything.

This perceived sense of aloneness seems to imply that being by yourself is not volitional, or a choice we make but rather an imposed state where a persons not socially engaged in the way that is somehow expected. Furthermore, it may imply that there is something actually wrong or defective with a person who remains alone.

I had a lady from work ask why have yo never gotten married. I laughed and said I am married, then Why are you always alone? When I explained how he was in a war and had isolation issues. She understood. I have just learned how to be alone and enjoy it.

Unlike being alone, loneliness often implies that you are looking for someone or something that you feel you need in order to feel secure and happy. For some, loneliness may be a chronic condition where your own company is never enough; where spending time with yourself may produce anxiety, panic attacks or depression. For many the perceived solution to keep this fear away is to make sure that you are always in the company of another.

Of course, loneliness is not “one size fits all.” As with anything, there may be varying degrees depending upon your personality and life experiences. For example, loneliness may be experienced by some as a painful reminder of a previous loseas or abandonment-feeling rejected, not cared for or unloved.

Although aloneness and loneliness are often thought of as the same thing, they are not. Learning to be alone may be initially scary, but once mastered, it serves as the cornerstone for development and growth as a human being. There’s so much to be gained from learning to rely upon and more importantly, to trust your own inner voice as the best source for your own guidance.

Being alone allows you to drop your social guard giving you the freedom to inward-thinking. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence. Often we are swayed by the thoughts, feeling, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior of those in our immediate sphere. You may ask others for advice and opinions, but ultimately, confiding in yourself and making up you own mind about what you want to do will lead you into the life that’s best for you.

I have my friends but it is a small group that I do things with. Not many people know that I am kind and have a heart of gold. Because too many think there is something wrong with me. I say “If they can’t take the time to find out why I am the way I am, it’s their loss not mine.

Learn to be alone, it just may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Learning To Swim In Troubles Waters

Life is truly unpredictable. You never know what’s going to happen, when it will happen, or where you’ll end up. In some cases, this means being granted some on the best things in life. Life seeing places you would never see.

A few years back I was at a conference, in San Antonio Texas. It was supposed to last 4 days. We ended up driving, a 3 day drive from where I live. On the way home I was a tired, cranky woman. I was ready to be home. One of the people in the car got seriously ill. I we ended up staying another 3 days, plus the drive home being another 3 days. That made it a 10 day trip after we made wrong turns and stopping to eat, and bathroom breaks. At that time I was angry and tired. But the places I was able to see was grand. After I rested for awhile I started looking at the pictures and realizing I was Truly blessed. I seen places I never thought I’d see.

In other cases it means dealing with hardships the derail you from everything you had planned, serious illness and grief and trauma amid pre-existing conditions from mental illness, to being already being stressed out.

But in them there are the greatest lessons you have ever received. When being in troubled waters, do you ever ask yourself what am I to learn from this? What the lesson?

I few days ago a friend confided in me, about her relationship. She kicked her boyfriend out, because of something he had said. Listening to her and knowing what he said, I would have probably kick him out too.

My advise was if he isn’t something you want right now, he will never be. People don’t change. They put on masks and when it finally comes off you will see who they truly are. Look at their fathers. Who are they, what are their views on relationships and their value systems. That’s who the person you are with. I’ve seen it time and time again.

It’s kinda look before you leap. Look for the lesson in your troubles.

No matter the circumstances we face, often times we call on God, when something we are going through is troubling us. Why not ask Him to teach us and help us through the trouble.

Being Different Is A Good Thing

Why is being different a good thing? Become if you want to actually turn a dream into reality, you have to be a little different. If you want to change something in your life then you have to change the way you approach it, you have to think a little differently, act a little differently and just be a little different.

I used to think I was born to be alienated by the world around me, I felt from an early age I was different. In school other students and teachers didn’t want anything to do with me. The teachers would sit me in the back of the room, I didn’t have any friends, until high school and then my friends we outcasts ( people that were shunned for the way the acted) but at least we had each other.

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten

Tony Robbins

After height school and everyone got married and moved away. I tried to fit in, doing what everyone else did and trying to act their way. That didn’t last very long. I began to think I was actually born on another planet. Everyone avoided me like the plague.

Later I discovered i had talents, back then I would have never even thought that I could write, I had always wrote short stories once in a while. But never being to help people with it. I learned to embrace being different.

If you keep doing and thinking what everyone else does, then you’re going to continue getting what everyone else has. I sure didn’t want other people had, I had different dreams. There’s a popular quote that’s floating around attributed to Einstein that says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Even though Einstein didn’t actually say that, it’s a valid point; if things aren’t working for you you’ve been doing, then maybe it’s time to start doing them differently. I learned it this way if you keep running around the same mountain over and over, there’s something your not doing or learning.

The Magic of Possibility

When you make it a point to start , thinking and being different, you’re giving yourself permission to explore. There comes a time when you have to start being your self and enjoy it. Pushing the boundaries of that safe little comfort zone you’ve created for yourself and expanding your horizons. You’re giving yourself the gift of the unknown, the unusual, and unexpected. And anything can happen.

So long I’ve just went with the flow, because I didn’t want to stand out. I knew I was different from everyone and I was not comfortable being like other people.

This is important to think about, we are beginning a new year. A New Year of endless possibilities. Look over the months ahead, do you want to be the same as you are? Trying to fit in. There is a magic to being different. And feeling like you have nothing to hide, you can actually be yourself, it’s up to us to take the potential of possibly and transform it into reality.

Beyond The Fear

So how do we do that? How do we just be different! We can start by allowing ourselves to be who we are rather than trying to make ourselves fit into the box called labeled “ What everyone else think we should be. We do it by taking deliberate conscious step to try new things and embrace new ways of doing things, even when they scare us or we’re not sure that we can do them.

I started by setting my own boundaries. Telling my husband this is what I want to do and be. I was ready for a argument. I wanted to be a person, that was there for people. I wanted to help the elderly, the soldiers, the be a Bible believing Christian. At first he complained when I wasn’t at his beck and call. All I knew is I didn’t want to clean house and cook for the rest of my life. I knew there were didn’t things I wanted to do.

I’ve tried painting, making things out of clay, it didn’t bring me joy so I stopped, I tried being in the Choir at church, nope not for me. I found out what I truly wanted for my life to be full and feel that void I felt. I chose to help soldiers and disabled Veterans, help individuals recovering for drug abuse and writing. It may not work for some but it works for me. I am full and happy, happier than I’ve been in years.

Obviously, if everything in you is screaming NO! then trust your instincts and don’t. But if there’s anything in you that thinks that particular “something new” that you’ve been contemplating sounds exciting, inspiring, fun, or otherwise positive, then work path your fear and give it a go; it might just be the best thing you do for yourself this year.

Trust The Whispers

There is always a election of risk in making life changes, in crafting a vision and building a dream. Taking something out of the realm of fantasy and turning it into reality requires looking past everything you’ve been taught, ignoring what everyone else does and or tells you to do, and trusting that little whisper within that tells you it’s time to expand and grow. And it requires a certain amount of bravery and daring to do that.

I’ll tell you a little episode that happened to me a few years ago, my dear husband has always picked my vehicles as well as my father. I was scared to tell them what I really wanted. A few years back, I told my husband I wanted to trade my car in. Well, of course he told me no, that I owed to much money on it. I was at the dealership getting my car serviced. I found a vehicle I really wanted, I could either want and discuss it with him. (I knew how that would out. So I traded it in. When he got home from work there was a shiny new SUV in the drive way. To my surprise he didn’t yell, or complain he just told me it was ugly. I was full of fear, but I did it anyway. The feeling like I was in control of something felt good.

Take The Risk

You have to be willing to be different and move out of your comfort zone. You have to risk being seen and attracting attention. That’s really hard for a lot of people. Myself I hated attracting attention, I would have rather be unseen. There is safety in just being just another one of the flock after all. But you’re not a sheep; your a uniquely talented individual with a wealth of experience, insight, and strengths. And it’s time to bring those gifts out and share them with the world. It’s time to let yourself shine and embrace the idea of being different, being you.

Why Hitting Rock Botton Is The Best Thing That Can Ever Happen To You.

About 6 years ago I hade a flat-out hit rock bottom, mentality, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. The crash was very painful in every way, I had lost the love for my husband, I had no money, I prayed all the time, to no avail, I was emotionally and mentally broke. I had nothing and nowhere to go. I felt my life was over, nothing mattered anymore. So where do I do from here, two thoughts entered my mind. End my life, or go until I could go no further. I finally had no choice but to face myself brutally, painfully and honestly.

I had nothing to lose, but as hard as I tried it didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere. I looked back on the decisions I had made and the times when I tried to commit suicide and the time I was near death in the hospital and the Doctor told my family that I was clinically dead when I arrived. I woke up three days later in Intensive Care, no know what had happened or even where I was.

I realized I had immense gratitude for the numerous gifts that I had bestowed upon me. Every bad decision, every dangerous event that I had brought on myself. All the close calls. Why was I still alive? T instilled in me a deep trust that a higher power actually did have my back, contrary to external appearances and bank balances.

You might think I’m crazy for saying this, but I’d do it all over again, for the incredible insight and growth I gained through what we’re my definitely darkest hours.

Through my life it seems I was destined to fail. But, I have learned some solid lessons and with the wisdom to share from having survived the falls.

I believe everyone will hit rock bottom in their life. But it’s what you do with it, that matters.

There are reasons that hitting rock bottom is a good thing:

Reflection and Realization

At the bottom, you will realize just how far off course you were, and that your life choices were not sustainable. It’s in those darkest moments of despair that your anger and frustration becomes so great and you declare once and for all never again to accept mediocrity from yourself or from others.

Seeing you dysfunctional behaviors

At the bottom, all your dysfunctional behaviors are finally revealed. If you never hit your lowest point, the dysfunctions continue to go unnoticed and unchecked, playing out under the denial radar and inevitably create bigger dysfunctions and a harder fall down the track. Until your bubble bursts, you cleverly delude yourself into thinking everything is just great and your life ends up built on a big fat lie and a false foundation.

Gaining Fresh Perspective

Hitting rock bottom is the beginning of questioning everything that you’ve ever thought to be true. You question you motives, your beliefs, your fears, why you did thongs, why you didn’t do things, why you were attracted to certain people and circumstances, why you succeeded, why you failed. The very fabric of your life is turned upside down and examined in raw detail. It’s from this point that you start building again from the ground up, with a fresh perspective based on your renewed sense of clarity.

Self-Awareness of Bad Habits and Behaviors

At the bottom, your disempowering patterns and behaviors become glaringly obvious, and the triggers that kept you repeating those behavior patterns come into sharp focus. You realize that hitting rock bottom was not only inevitable but necessary, because those behaviors were simply not conductive to your growth. On top of that, and perhaps more importantly, a,k the roles you’ve been playing pop into your conscious awareness. It become clear that you’ve been a kind of a puppet playing a role over and over, creating the same dynamics over and over, like a well-payed actor in a soup opera. It’s not until you break the mold and start the journey ack to your true self that you stop playing the old useless cassette tapes, or scratched record player and begin to create new conscious outcomes.

Trusting in Life

You realize at the bottom that you were, in fact not where you thought you were in life. You let your ego run the show and grand ideas about what you could do not knowing you didn’t yet have the foundation to successfully accomplish those things. Ego’s death grip loosens when you come to this realization; you start to trust life and choose to live in the moment more often. As you surrender to your higher self more and more, you align with your right purpose and right life path. And it feels good.

Humility

You gain humility. You see that life is not just black and white and that you don’t know everything. If fact you realize you know very little, and you decide to become a student of life rather as a juror.

Compassion

You gain compassion. You understand what it’s like for people in the depths of despair, shame, guilt and fear. You can’t help but come back from the bottom feeling of true empathy with the human condition.

In my starting from the bottom up, I have hopefully helped many people that are where I have been. And treated them as a living soul inside of just someone you walk by in Walmart.

Letting Go

You’re able to let go of everything because nothing is working anyway. Letting go of the old creates space for the new and soon new ideas, people, opportunities, talents, and gifts start to flood into your experiences. As you empty your cup, so to speak, you fill it back up with stuff that you actually want instead of accepting what was unconsciously passed on to you. Life gives you a fresh cup of reality.

Take Responsibility

After you the rocks and bricks have hit you, perhaps for the first time begin to accept full responsibility for all the outcomes in your life, this might feel scary at first, but you’ll see that blaming is fruitless, that complaining is dumb, and that making excuses is for the unenlightened. You realize it was you who created all the good and all the bad in your life. You dug the hole that trapped you, and only you yourself can dig yourself out, in order to become whole.

The Only Way Is Up

The good news is, once you’ve hit rock bottom, you know you can’t possibly go any lower. You realize the bottom is actually a great springboard to push yourself up to the surface- away from the darkness and back toward the light.

Trusting Yourself

Hitting rock bottom wakes you up to how you were relying on externals to make you happy. Instead of needing outside validation, you begin to trust yourself and start the journey within to find your own sense of self, your own sense of purpose, and your validation. This new inner sanctuary becomes the foundation for you happy and meaningful life.

Gratitude

After hitting your lowest point possible, you become enormously grateful for a,, you have from that time forward. And your situation can only get better from here. Simple things like a smile from a stranger, fresh food in the fridge, warm clothing and a bed to sleep in and a roof over your head become treasure p. Your existence is a constant prayer of gratitude to the higher power and yourself for having the courage to move beyond the hard times and choose life when could have chose a number of other options that would have made the pain go away.

As someone who has been there, there is a way out of that pit you dug for yourself and it can be the best thing that ever happened to you,

Run Towards The Roar.

Today in Church my pastor was talking about the evil and danger in our world, and how we need to stand in the face of it.

As I was listening to Him, I vision came into my find about how we supposed to run to the danger. Or what we think is danger.

I saw the Savanna in Africa on one side I saw the Lion roaring and on the other side we the lioness’s waiting patiently and quietly getting ready for the kill. When the male lions get old their teeth start to rot and they aren’t able to kill animals as easily.

According to scripture, our enemy is like a “roaring lion.” But if we look at it from this angle, what does that say about him? To me it says that he is a deceiver who has bad teeth and a big roar. All he can do is lie to us, just like an old lion. In fact we would be better of running toward the roar- the very thing that frightens us- rather than away from it.

I feel this is what’s happening in American right now, everyone is running away from the roar and we are in danger if we do this. The government is trying to shut a party down and we are falling right into their hands. We keep quiet and don’t do anything because we’re afraid.

Over and over Jesus told His followers not to fear. It was one of His most popular commands. And the Bible further tells us that any spirit of fear we experience is not from God at all. (2 Timothy 1:7). While we should pay attention to what our fears communicate to us (that there is need for caution, that we need to trust the Lord, that we need to pray,) if we believe what God says in His Word, we done have to let those fears determine our direction. He’s pointed us to and know that He’s with us all the courage we need in any battle.

The truth is that Jesus has threw Satan down already, and through His victory, we are also victorious. All our enemy can do is lie to us and sees us running in the wrong direction. Today try running “toward the roar” and face what the enemy wants you to fear. You have God’s strength, power and victory locked in already, so rest in knowing that he’ll take you beyond the enemy threats of the enemy- the older tooth-decayed lion.