From Pity to Praise

This is always what happens.

The minute we allow ourselves to be governed by our emotions we short-circuit the process that God intended for us in our lives.

We begin on a narrow limited plane, we are restricted to that plane, we can see no other facts but the ones to which we are reacting emotion.

This is the problem with many people. They are temporarily unable to see anything often than what’s immediately in front of them are is affecting their feelings. Governed by their feelings, therefore their Judgement is distorted.

The only solid ground on which Faith can rest. If the foundation is destroyed, Wharton’s can the righteous do.

Emotions guide our lives in a million ways. Whether we’re inclined to hide and avoid or ponder and express them, most of us don’t realize the intent to which they are driving our thoughts and behavior.

Exploring our emotions is a worthy endeavor for everyone hoping to know and develop themselves, build healthy relationships m and pursue what they want in life. Emotional intelligence is more important the IQ, showing it “predicts over 54% of the variation in success.” In relationships, health, and good quality of life.

Our emotions can offer us clues into who we are as well as how we’ve been affected by our history. Many of our actions are initiated by emotion, which lead to the national question of which emotions are being surfaced and why. Which of these emotions are adapted and maladaptive? Which may be triggered by the present but rooted in our past?

Have you heard it said we need to live in harmony with our feelings and not attempt to control them. Much of that harmony with our feelings come from understanding our emotional reactions and distinguishing when our emotions are primary or secondary in nature as well as when they are adaptive or not.

Primary emotions are our first reaction. They’re often followed by a more defended secondary emotion,the anger that covers up feelings hurt, the embarrassment overpowering our sadness, or the anxiety masking a deeper far. For example, if our partner doesn’t show up for us let’s you down in some way, we may feel enraged. We may stonewall them or erupt in our next interaction with him or her. However, if we look at our initial reaction our primary emotion, we may recognize that we had more vulnerable feelings, such as feeling hurt, unwanted and ashamed.

If we imagine a moment of feeling tense, frustrated or stuck in a bad feeling, driven to react without a sense of relief , we were probably caught in a secondary emotion. However, if we were able to access the deepest, more vulnerable feeling, perhaps await or a need, or a core feeling of sadness or shame, we were then experiencing a primary emotion. Initially we may have noticed the feeling building, but then easing. Like a wave. When we allow ourselves to feel a primary emotion, we often experience relief. We are not necessarily inclined to act. Instead we feel more in touch with ourselves softened yet more alive.

Primary emotions can either be adaptive to the moment or maladaptive reactions based from our past. Maladaptive primary emotions may have sparked by current events, but they’re tied to a way we felt early in our lives. For example, if we were seen or treated like we were unintelligent or incapable in our family, being called “stupid” or related to as if were incompetent in the current day can trigger us to feel deeply pained or ashamed. However, before we can acknowledge this pain or shame, we’re swept up in a secondary emotion like anger, resentment, or defensiveness.

At this time, we may experience what is called a critical inner voice, a negative internal commentary that tells us thing like, “you made such a fool of yourself. Look at how they’re looking at you. They all think your an idiot. You should just get out of here.” This destructive inner couch often gets loader when we feel triggered emotionally.

These critical thoughts can drive us to feel a range of emotions that are painful and maladaptive, which contribute to salt-defeating behavior, like holding ourselves back, turning to psychological defenses, or pushing away loved ones. The maladaptive secondary emotions can also lead us to react in ways that are not in ours best interest, lashing out to defend ourselves, acting resentful or enraged, driven by thoughts like, “How dare they treat you that way. That was so disrespectful, Who do they think they are talking to you like that?

Our maladaptive emotions are based our past. Although, they are not an accurate reflection of who we really are, when we fail to identify these emotions, we may feel stuck living in the shadows. The ironic comfort of their familiarity can even cause us to distort ourselves and others or provoke reactions and scenarios that recreate the emotional climate to which we’re accustomed. We may relate to others based on these old feelings rather than what’s really going on or what’s really going on or what we really want.

There is a way we can transform our emotions to be become adaptive. Maladaptive emotions often leave us feeling stuck, as if they’re unresolvable, but if we can get to the underlying emotion in our past, we can feel the feelings, gain insight into the need underlying the emotion, and take actions to get the need met. We can ask this by asking our partner or someone close to us to meet our need or, If necessary, by soothing ourselves. We can take our side by challenging our critical self-attracts and offering ourselves compassion and love. We can be more willing to feel our sadness, anger, or the deeper primary emotions that make us feel more connected to ourselves. We can feel out feelings rather than suppressing them and allowing them to silently dictate our lives.

When we live in harmony with our emotions, we become more in touch with who we are. We gain insight into the real core emotions that are causing our reactions. And we can be the one at the wheel, choosing our actions. Feeling as an adaptive mechanism to give us critical information. By focusing on the emotion with compassion and curiosity, we can discover who we are and what we want.

What is a Emotional Intellectual

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.

Emotional intelligence is generally said to include at least skills- emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and names one’s own emotions, the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving and the ability to mange emotions, which includes both regulating one’s emotions when necessary and helping others do the same.

There is no validated test or scale for emotional intelligence as there is for “g” the general intelligence factor- and many argue that emotional intelligence is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names.

Despite the criticism, the concept of emotional intelligence- sometimes referred to as emotional Quotient or EQ- has gained wide acceptance in recent years, some employers have even incorporated emotional intelligence into interview processes stating the someone that has emotional intelligence would make a better leader or co-worker.

Some studies has even found a link between emotional intelligence and job performance, many others have shown no correlation, and the lack of a scientifically valid scale makes it difficult to truly measure or predict someone’s emotional intelligence on the job or at home.

What does it mean to be Emotionally Intelligent?

An emotionally intelligent individual is both highly conscious of his or her own emotional states, even negatively- frustration, sadness,or something more subtle-and able to Identify and manage them. Such people are especially tuned in to the emotions that others experience. It’s understandable that a sensitivity to emotional signals both from within oneself and from one’s environment could make one a better friend, parent, or leader, or romantic partner. Fortunately these skills can be honed.

• Set aside a designated “worry time.” Instead of worrying all day, everyday. Designate a 30 minute period of your time where you can think about your problems.
• Step 1- identify the object of worry
• Step 2- come up with a time and place to think of what you identified as the worry.
• Step 3- if you catch yourself worrying at a time other that your designated worry time, you must make a point to think of something else.
• Step 4- use your “worry time” productivity by thinking of solutions to the worries.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.

Worry itself is not bad- it turns into action, but too much of it can lead to anxiety, when can have a impact on health and happiness. For instance anxiety can take a toll on sleep, affect your immune system, raise your risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, and even affect you risk of dying from disease.

The problem with worrying is that it becomes a cycle of self-perpetuating negative thoughts. Worry is a chain of thoughts and images that are affectively negative and relatively uncontrollable.

Kick the addiction

All that time you spend perusing your Facebook feed, or instagram etc… isn’t doing you any favors. A recent study showed that nearly half of people are “worried or uncomfortable” being away from email or social networks. We need to re-establish control over the technology we use, rather than being controlled by it.

Be mindful

The most effective strategies to stop worrying and rumination may be ones based in mindfulness, which involves nonjudgmental awareness of present thoughts and emotions, as well as cognitive behavior therapy strategies, this encourages you to change your thoughts and thinking style, or disengage from emotional response to worry. Adopt more concrete restructure thinking in a more positive and constructive way.

Have you ever heard of the saying “This too Shall Pass! Worrying is useless. Because every thing will work I self out. I used to worry and overthink everything, and I started realizing that every time what I was getting upset about would work it’s self out on it’s own. It didn’t need me worrying about it.

Accept the worry- and then move on

Worrying about worrying is a dangerous cycle to fall into. People who naturally try to suppress their unwanted thoughts end up being more distressed by said thoughts, meanwhile people who are naturally accepting of their intrusive thoughts are less obsessional and have lower levels of depression, and are less anxious. Therefore people who get caught up in worry when they try to force themselves to stop worrying may need a different strategy- acceptance.

Write your worries down letting all you emotions out emptiness your fear out of your mind. You release that situation so that you not as likely to worry about the situation.

Cut yourself some slack

Live a little, breaking the rules won’t break your health. Enjoy your life. Take risks, life is about being happy, not worrying all the time.

Don’t worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself.

Keep your hands busy

Engaging in activities that keep your hand busy, and mind distracted could help prevent flashbacks from traumatic experiences. I have used activities like a jig-saw puzzles or word searches to keep my hands busy. My mind goes 100 miles per hour some days. So if I start to worry when I am busy around the house, I will typically start one chore and then think of another I have to do. I worry about getting everything done by the end of the day. I can put a puzzle in the room I’m working on and when my mind goes to the next room. I stop myself and put a few puzzle pieces in the puzzle and this helps me stay grounded to finish the room I’m in, before I move to the next. Otherwise I get a little bit done in each room and feel like I’ve not accomplished anything. And I start worrying about being a failure. That’s where the 30 minutes of worry time comes in.

Make time for meditation

I’ve mentioned this before, meditation not only lowers anxiety levels, but it has effects on the anterior cingulate vortex and ventromedial prefrontal cortex. In easier terms this region controls emotions and thinking, and controls worrying.

Get your heart pumping

Exercise beats stress. Exercise affects the serotonin ( a so-called happy brain chemicals levels in your brain. As well as effectively reduces effects of oxidative stress. It lowers anxiety levels in people who have tried to stay on the couch.

Years ago I was so depressed because of traumatic experiences in my life. The doctors had be so drugged out trying to end the depression that’s all I did was stay on the couch and eat. I went from being 120 lbs to 400 lbs. now talk about depressed. I wish I had known about these things back then, my life would have been completely different. If it wasn’t for my children and husband literally forcing me to live. I would had just given up on life. About 17 years of that and I knew I had to fight if I wanted things to change. And fight I did, I found different doctors they changed my medicine and low and behold I started to feel I was among the living again. I felt like I just came out of a coma, I had been in for almost 2 decades.

Then I realized what I looked like a complete slob. I started on the adventure of dieting.i managed to lose 250 lbs. in the process of becoming a entirely different person I had to build my self-esteem up from nothing. That was only 10 years ago. Some days I think back and think of my son, if it had not been for him. I don’t know if I would be here writing this today. I feel guilty both my children had to go through what they did growing up. And through all this my husband never left me. Now that’s love. We have all been through a rough journey. But, I’ll tell you we are one strong family.

The morals of my story: don’t give up, there will be some rough times you have to go through. If you feel like you need to see a doctor see one, tell them your entire story from the bottom of your heart. They cannot help you if they don’t know what you’re going through. If you feel drugged out on any medication they prescribe tell them, if they keep pushing this and that drug on you. Don’t be afraid to tell them “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Sometimes you may have to tell them goodbye and try other doctors.

Find a doctor that will help you find the root cause of your problem. And prescribe medication to help you, not hurt you. If your not sure about the medication ask them what are the side affects of this? How is this supposed to help me? Don’t be silent. Ask, and tell them everything. You are paying them to help you, not hurt you or make you worse.

It was difficult for me because of the ways my childhood was. I didn’t learn how to socialize. And felt completely worthless. Don’t make it mess up your life like it did mine for so many years.

Find the root cause of the problem you will start healing.

Charlie Chaplin lived 88 years. He left us 4 statements:

1- Nothing is forever in this world, even our problems.

2- I love to walk in the rain because no one can see my tears.

3- The most lost day in life is the day we don’t laugh.

4- Six of the best doctors in the world:

• Sun
• Rest
• Exercise
• Diet
• Self-respect
• Friends

Keep them in all stages of your life and enjoy a healthy life:

If you see the moon, you will see the beauty of God…

If you see the sun, you will see the power of God.

If you see a mirror, you will see God’s best creation. So believe it.

We are all tourists, God is our travel agent who had already defined our route, bookings and directions… trust him and enjoy life.

Life is just a journey! So live today!

Tomorrow may not be.