Are You Ready to Stop Feeling Like a Victim?

A victim according to the dictionary is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated, or fooled by someone else, r harmed by an unpleasant event.

Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, fooled, and harmed during their life- if not physically then emotionally. And everyone gets harmed by unpleasant events. We’re all victims, in moments, to life’s challenges and difficulties life’s licenses.

It’s physiologically healthy to acknowledge the suffering and feelings of powerlessness that accompany such experiences. And yet there are people who feel like victims all the time, regardless of their circumstances. Those with a victim mentality are always being victimized, at least in their own minds. They maintain a consistent victim identity and see life through perpetually victim-tinted glasses.

I was in this state of mind for many years. I had been a victim for a long time. It took me 30 years before learned I didn’t have to live like this anymore.

We all know people who seem to be constantly commenting on some injustice done to them-how others are denying them what they need, want, and deserve, controlling them against their will, and making them do what they don’t want to do. Or how life is against them and the universe is designed to punish them, personally. Perhaps you yourself are some who experiences life this way.

Neither feeling like a victim, or loving someone who’s convinced they’re the victim of life, is easy. Both are painful.

How to Break Free From Victim Mentality.

Take ownership and responsibility for your own needed and wants. Determine what you want and what’s important to you. Name it, and do what you need to do to make it happen- for yourself. Don’t waste time blaming or getting angry at those who don’t want or need the same things you do don’t wait for them to come on board or help you get what you want. Get busy taking care of what’s important to you, and leave others out of it.

Am I Living In Bondage?

Do you feel like every to you try to raise, but you’re above your situation, some unknown resistance renders you reproductive or devalued? You smile, but the reactions of your actions all stem from a source seemingly out of your control. You desire to change, but a default in the same ways. Some deeply embedded issue surfaces and causes you to have severe mood swings or even become enraged.

If you relate to this in any way, you hay have become your own prisoner. You’ve accepted this as your as a normal lifestyle. It is called bondage and can affect everything in your life.

Here are some books I received that helped me to realize what was happening to me when I was in bondage.

1. Ministering Freedom to the Emotionally Wounded.

2. Ministering Freedom from Demonic Oppression.

Both written by Doris Wagner.

The second book, I have to admit was a little intimidating at first. But, once I began reading I learned a lot about what was happening and how it played a huge role in my life.

Inner Healing is a process.

When we think of ”bondage”. We see pictures of battling addictions such as drugs or alcohol. Those chains are very apparent. What about someone that lives every day fighting the failure of their past? How about someone that can’t rise from. The loss of a loved one or a past abusive situation? These issues are not always evident and are often overlooked, especially when they are easily camouflaged.

Everything is permitted for me but not everything is helpful, Everything is permitted for me, but I will not be controlled by anything.

2 Corinthians 6:12

Years ago I met a lady who had been in many abusive relationships, she was molested as a child from the stepdad. In 3 abusive relationships with the last one being the worse. She was in bondage, Her husband told her how to dress what color her hair needed to be who to talk to. She couldn’t even drive. When I would take her to lunch or shopping she was on the phone wanting to know what she was eating, where she was, what he was buying. And she had a specific time he wanted her home. If she even 2 minutes late he would beat her. She was deathly afraid and he told her if she messed up, they would never find her body, She would try calling the police but they were of no help. It took me 2 years to get her to file for a restraining order and then file for divorce. She was not allowed to work, and he had control of all the money. She didn’t even realize she was in bondage until she was divorced. You say why didn’t she leave earlier? She was afraid for her life. She knew he was serious about the death threats. He Stalked her for 2 years after the divorce. This is bondage. She had to move out of state and only a few knew where she was. Today she is married again and has a great husband, who loves her dearly.

Recognizing the Problem

Do you find yourself withdrawing from the world around you? Do thoughts of your past hurts, fears, or tragedies, always raise to the surface and cause unwanted actions or reactions? Are you holding on to guilt and shame for so thing you have done? Just like a nicotine addiction, you have made promise after promise to yourself that you quit smoking, but it just doesn’t seem possible. You feel almost destined to be this way. You may have even thought that is your normal. You live in misery and sadness, hiding your true feelings and feeling that there is no way out.

These things that keep someone in bondage have become so intertwined in their daily lives that they are almost unrecognizable as a problem, becomes hard for people to see imminent danger these vices possess. Many will deny that they even have a problem, because this has been their normal life, they don’t know anything else. They proceed with their everyday life. They proceed with their everyday routine and the things that chain them continue to conquer their lives. They battle some miseries and unhappiness, shaking it off to find ways to cope. The failure to live a surrendered life keeps them from freedom provided in a happy peaceful life they can enjoy.

Simple Living In A Modern World.

Today’s world has many luxuries that are supposed to make life easier. These things can also make things complicated.

There are lots of people who dream of simple living. They picture spending days sitting by the lake and enjoying nature. This dream is often interrupted by reality, but it does n’t have to be that way. There are things we can do begin living a simple life.

When people hear ”simplify your life, ” they may think it means moving into a home in the middle of the woods and living of the land. Or winning the lottery and traveling the exotic world. But, that’s not necessarily a simpler life-and it may not be for everyone.

Instead, choose things that can keep you in the modern world, but can still make life easier.

How to Live a Simple Life

Get a basic cell phone.

It would be nice to say a cell phone was not necessary at all, but pay phones have disappeared, and if you need to call someone with data and texting opt for a basic cell phone that only makes and received calls. There are plans for less than $50 and offer free minutes to talk every month.

Cut the cable cord.

Many people are spending well in excess of $100 a month on cable television that gives them 500 channels, most people watch 15 if that.

Instead of having a cable bill, use over the air stations that you receive free. Add a streaming service and you will never miss cable. Without cable, many go back to the old reliable method of entertainment-talking to one another. Get back to the basics of life is known to reduce stress, and make you happier.

Get rid of credit cards.

Credit cards are nice. They allow people to buy things they otherwise could not afford and pay for it over time They also become a burden that drags many people down each month.

Instead of using credit cards, only buy what you can afford. Stick to that plan and the fear of not being able to pay the bills will quickly disappear.

It is a huge temptation to get a credit card, it’s so easy to fall into that trap. But, there are sometimes huge interest charges. And you don’t have to pay off the card every month and it just builds and builds. Leading to a huge debt that causes stress and unhappiness.

Declutter the home.

I am guilty of this and it is a terrifying thought that piles of stuff ends up everywhere and causes stress. I am a collector of clothing. It’s my downfall and I cannot get rid of any because I might need it one day.

A search around the home will find many things that are not needed or no longer used. Find different ways to declutter your life and get rid of things that are no longer necessary. It is even possible to make some money selling these things that can be used to help in other areas, such as paying off credit card debt.

Get rid of monthly expenses that are not needed.

Many people pay gym memberships, monthly internet service, and many other monthly services they barely use. They have put their monthly payments on their credit card so they don’t even realize how much money they are spending any not being able to use. There are often ways to get the same things that you get from these pay services without having to pay. Gym memberships can be replaced with exercising at a local park or walk8ng around the neighborhood. If you need internet service to go away from home, many places give free internet services like restaurants, grocery stores parking lots the library, and coffee shops. It might take effort at first but once it becomes a habit, it’s easy to do.

Start to track your expenses.

One thing people will benefit from doing is tracking the money they spend it is the best way to find out when you are spending money and what you Are spending it on. It is possible you will find to spend money you don’t need to. You may find that second car expense you may not need. You could take public transportation to work and get by without a second car and all its headaches. When you realize that it becomes possible to make changes

Track your time.

Pay attention to how much time you are spending doing things. Look for ways to cut down on the time you think is being wasted on unnecessary things

Time and money are two of the most valuable resources people have. When life gets simpler, thd amount of these two things that a person has available will rise. This is the benefit of a simpler life in today’s world.

The great thing about this list is that people have choices. They can choose to do one oft them , or some of them. They can start out with one and then add some others later.

Life is about. Choosing simple living is something that is becoming a popular thing to do.

The Difference Between Worldly and Godly Views.

This one subject had helped me so much in my life. I am not pushing this down anyone’s throat. I am stating since I have become closer to God. Most of my difficulties in life have lessened. I tend to be more at peace and happier. It is your choice to choose this way or not. Always remember you have a choice in your life. No matter what the situation is.

Jesus calls us to be wise and ahead as serpents, but this wisdom is very unlike the world’s wisdom. Godly wisdom is innocent, gentle, reasonable, piece-loving, impartial, and sincere. It is full of mercy and willing to yield to others. It leads to Godliness and peaceful relationships with other.

Worldly secular wisdom tends to be self-centered. It exalts ourselves. When our hearts are not submitted to God, we will harbor pride, jealousy, and selfish ambitions and use our wisdom against others. God’s Word calls such wisdom ”earthly, spiritual, demonic” Jesus pointed out the Satan fosters such thinking and gets people to focus on things from a human point of view, not God’s

We see the circumstances, God sees the Destination.

Our lives are the result of all the choices we make. It takes wisdom to ensure that our choices come together so that we end up at the narrow gate, we need to seek wisdom and guidance from God. He will show us the way.

Enter in by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and board is the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who entering by it.

Mathew 7:13

Godly wisdom could even result in us bringing many others with us to the narrow gate. Worldly Wisdom offer tend to result in destruction.

Good qualities of Godly wisdom.

You can recognize wise people in your life. They bring a sense of calm and peace wherever they go. They are not cowardly petty, or arrogant. Neither are they easily fazed by challenging situations. They are quick to go to God for wisdom.

Get wisdom get insight; do not forget and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.

Proverbs 4:5

Practicing Godly Wisdom.

We receive wisdom from God’s Spirit… The Holy Spirit communicates through our spirit and inner conscious. As we pray and quiet down to listen to Him, He will give us an ”inner knowing” and plant insights into our minds.

Begin with humility and turn towards God.

Reverence and humility before God are crucial to gaining Godly wisdom. The humble will listen, observe, accept correction, and grow wider. The proud only collect more knowledge. God calls this folly and futile.

Turn away from worldly wisdom.

The world is filled with teachings, quotes and ideologies, that sound like great wisdom, but will ultimately, lead us away from God.

Worldly wisdom will lead us to gtrafy our desires, rather than submit to God. The Bible calls us to set the mind on the spirit, so we will experience God’s life and piece. We need to put away or repent of relying on our own understanding and logic as to how things work based on the world’s teachings and renew our mind with God’s Word. This is how we will be able to follow His untimate wisdom.

Slow down, quiet out thoughts and ask God.

It takes discipline to quiet our minds and wait on God. When we fix our thoughts on Him, He will reveal the path forward. He even promises to be generous with His limitless wisdom when we ask Him with simple faith.

The temptation is always to ruminate on the “what if‘s” in life but such thinking will prove to be futile because with God, there is only one way, and that is His good and perfect will. We need to beware not to let some unspoken fear or personal insecurity drive us to “look at the possibilities in life such fears are not from God.

Test our thoughts.

Something can sound 95% right and still be wrong.

Just as the Holy Spirit will give us Godly wisdom, Satan can also give us worldly wisdom. It is important to ask the Holy Spirit to help us examine and test the direction of our thoughts so we follow His voice, instead of the enemy’s. This is one way we test spirits to see whether they are from God.

Stay away from ungodly influences.

I think this is most important if your going to stay on the right path. Their are good people in the world, good but not Godly.

Ungodly influences come from many different sources, from family traditions, the media, society, pop culture, songs, etc. Ultimately, they will fill our minds with insecurity, pride, doubt, and worldly human logic. We are to keep our thoughts clean, uncorrupted and innocent so our thoughts don’t get swayed away from God’s will.

If we feel as if we are ”tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about in our thoughts. Then we need to examine if we are being blown about by ungodly teaching or lies that sound like the truth.

If you listen to go if advice. even si, we need to be selective about who we turn to for advice Seeking wisdom from prudent God-fearing people is good but seeming God’s ultimate wisdom. Is the best. No one knows what tomorrow holds as clearly as God does, and no detail istoo significantly bring. Before God.

Know God’s Word Well.

Nothing beats studying God’s word. This is how we will be able to decipher His ways, His will, and His character. The wise know that God will never do anything that’sout of character not will He changed His word.

Make use of our wisdom for God’s glory.

The wise will choose the right time to speak up for what is right, stand up against injustice, and correct those who are heading to Hell and destruction- all because they consider others more highly than themselves and love them as God loves them.

When a moving attitude counsel, advise, and correct others. The wisdom we bring will be appreciated because it will prevent more damage. At the end of the day, when we combine wisdom with God’s grace, He is glorified and praised.

Positive Affirmations To Tell Yourself.

Why do we need positive affirmations for self-esteem? To understand this we need to understand what self-esteem is completely and what the factors are for Low self-esteem. Once we understand the reason, we can work our way to boost our confidence with a list of positive self affirmations.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. It is the regard for one’s self-worth and self-respect. It is believing in yourself and having faith in your own abilities.

Without humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.

Norman Vincent Peale

It is true at so many levels. If we do not respect ourselves for who we are then a sense of inferiority and inadequacy fills your life.

Self-esteem is a direct result of self-confidence which comes from self-realization.

People turn into friends, family, and in many cases to strangers to validate their ideas, opinions, and goals. By looking outward for validation, we often give the token of self-esteem to someone else. Our every move is in accordance to make others feel good about ourselves.

Why positive affirmations for self-esteem?

To accept the beauty and uniqueness of who you are is a magical thing. To boost your self-esteem, you will need to change how you feel about yourself.

It starts with you.

When you keep repeating negative things about yourself that you are no good, then this message gets passed to our subconscious. Now subconscious manifests what it receives. As a result, you will keep running into situations which will shake your beliefs in you abilities.

As with a child being told, they are stupid, worthless, and will never amount to anything. From a young age, we start believing it and it can ruin their life, but they keep fighting they can change, but you have to fighting.

You are jeoparding your own good when you talk about yourself (even casually) in a negative manner.

Think about these questions…

Do you often turn to your parents, friends, co-workers or others to validate your ideas?

Do you feel anxious about starting a new project, conversion, or relationship?

Is it that you blame yourself for the mistakes that happen in your life?

Are you confident about every decision that you are about to make?

Do you feel happy, content and full of enthusiasm all the time or is it just the opposite?

The above questions are not a complete list but if you even remotely agree to one of the above questions then it means that you are running low on self-esteem. Will you come to your rescue?

Affirmations, when practiced with full faith and conviction, will instill a new brief in yourself. You will realize that you are doing the best you can and that the higher powers are in a conspiracy to make you succeed.

I was told this way you have to have faith and hope that things will change. We should all have convictions when we have doubt that somethings in your life aren’t right. Which can lead to low self-esteem. Pay attention to that conviction and act on them until you are at peace with yourself.

The proof that affirmations work.

Try these practices are see if they bring a change to your life.

A recent study has shown that even brief self-affirmation activities for students can boost their grade point average in underperforming individuals by the end of the semester.

How To Break The Blame Cycle.

Being blamed when things go wrong is challenging. You can end up feeling as if the world is against you-that no matter which way you turn your being picked on, bullied, or victimized. Whether you’re bearing the brunt of the blame in your relationship or being blamed at work for things you don’t think are called for. It hurts.

The one thing I’ve learned is- If someone is blaming you for something you didn’t do, there’s a good change they are to blame not you.

If you feel helpless in situations where there are people who blame, accuse and act defensively when called out.

Blaming leads to uncomfortable emotions that can eat away at your sense of self, and doubting whether your good enough or if you’re even worthy of respect.

If a person experiences trauma in younger years as a child and/or we’re raised by parents with few boundaries, blaming others may have been a safe way to protect oneself. This pain is full of hurt. Painful memories of how they learned to avoid emotional or physical abuse.

What happens is a separation of self emotionally from others. Rejecting responsibility for any problem that taps back into the need of feeling safe using the mechanism learned- blaming others to take the heat off oneself.

Learning how to minimize feelings and distance oneself from others helped keep the person safe. Unfortunately, as an adult it’s these same emotions that cause problems in relationships as detachment has now become a safe place to retreat to.

Empathy is a quality communication, it’s a skill often missing in relationships in life.Yet, these skills are imperative for anyone living or working with someone they feels blames or accuses them for what is going on. If one person can steer a straight course then the other person can hopefully feel it and they can regulate their own body.

It may feel like a counterproductive thing to do in the heat of the moment when someone is blaming you unfairly. Yet, if you can regulate your own emotions, then the fuel that keeps behavioral patterns alive diminished.

Empathy is not approval, not agreement, waving your rights or being a doormat- empathy makes you stronger more able to assert yourself appropriately and effectively when that time comes.

Empathic resonance-feeling another persons who’s feeling or underlying pain rather than challenging the problem head on.

Perspective taking-seeing things from a Mother’s point of view and may differ from yours and is still valid.

Empathic understanding – imagine if you were in those situations and feeling those feeling- this is what it would mean for me and this is how my mind might function if that were my experience…where you’re saying, ”If I were in that perspective and feeling those feelings. think how your mind would function if that were my experience. It’s not- but if it were, I get it.” it’s kind of an empathic imagination.

Empathic joy- feeling happy for another person’s happiness, proud of another persons’ success.

Empathic concern- which is ”I see your suffering so I’m going to take action to reduce your suffering , ” it’s basically a synonym for compassion.

Kick start your empathy by asking yourself: What hurts for this person? Consider: ”Is there some gentle way that I can begin to talk about what hurts?”

If you’re dealing with someones whose default position is to ”blame” you may notice that he or she experiences difficulty in one or more of these empathy areas.

The secret to being empathic: if someone is always to blame, if every time something goes wrong someone has to be punished, people quickly stop taking risks. Without risks, there can’t be breakthroughs.

The secret to engaging empathy is learning how to create a ”pause” in thinking so you can stimulate a more empathic response in both yourself and the other person.

Seeing happiness outside ourselves is like waiting for sunshine in a cave facing north

Tibetan Proverb

In seeming happiness, we need to exit our cave and enter another’s experience what their emotional state is. When we can do this from a place of pure selflessness and engage curiosity without triggering our own defensiveness then we have a better chance of managing our own emotional state and influencing the emotions of another.

It’s about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, knowing that in understanding ourselves and raising awareness of our emotional respond we can be more present to others.

How The Power Positive Thinking Works.

Richard’s Story-

Richard applied for a new job, but he didn’t believe he would get hired, since his self-esteem was low, he considered himself a failure and unworthy of success.

He had a negative attitude toward himself, and believed that the other applicants we’re better and more qualified than him.

Richard’s mind was occupied with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He actually anticipated his own failure.

On the day of the interview, he got up late, and to his horror, he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty., and the other one needed ironing. He went out wearing a wrinkled shirt and no breakfast.

During the interview, Richard was tense, negative, hungry, and worried about his shirt. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall impression made a bad impression, and consequently, he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Katie’s Story-

The second story is about Katie, who applied for the same job, but approached the matter differently. She was sure and confident that she was going to get the job and had a good measure of self-esteem.

During the week preceding the interview, she tried to visualize making a good impression and getting the job. She also repeated affirmations to that effect.

The evening before the interview. She was prepared she had the clothes she was going to wear ready, making sure they were stain free. She went to bed a little earlier. One the day of the interview. She woke up early and had time for a good breakfast and then drive to interview before it’s scheduled time.

Katie made a good impression and had gotten the job.

There was no magic used. Everything happened in a natural way. The difference was in their attitude, behavior and approach.

With a happy attitude, we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness, and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall with our head held high and our voices are more powerful, our body language shows the way we feel. Confident and happy.

Positive and Negative thinking are courageous.

We affect and are affected by the people we meet. In one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts, and feelings, and through our body language.

Is it any wonder we want to be around positive people and prefer to avoid negative ones.

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting ”Negativity.”

Negative thought words, and attitudes, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods, and behavior. When the mind is very, poisons are released into the blood, which causes more unhappiness and negatively. This is the way to failure and disappointment.

Positive Thinking Tips.

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

Realize the power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This is usually a subconscious process, but we can make it a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange to you, give it a try, by being more conscious of what is going on in your mind.

Ignore what other people say or think about you if they discover that you’re trying to change your attitude and the way you think. Some people will always try to drag you down.

Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.

Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.

A Simple change of your thoughts in a moment can change the whole set.

Smile a little more, this help to think positively.

Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to strive to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is said there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of themand disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.

In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good, happy thoughts in your mind.

It does not matter the circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances with change accordingly. If you preserve, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place but eventually, they will.

Another useful technique is the repetition of positive affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization and can be used together with it.