From Pity to Praise

Has everyone heard of Winnie the Pooh.

I often think about the difficult dynamic between Tigger and Eeyore. This is a major insight for me. Still sometimes thinking who will I wake up as In the morning Tigger or Eeyore.

Sometimes we are annoyed by excessively cheery people or extremely gloomy people. Parts one or two. Evolving ideas about how people react to react to pronounced positivity or negativity. I’ve been trying to understand what happens when a “Tigger” and a Eeyore” clash, which seems to be a common happiness hurtle.

If you are a Tigger you say things like…

Happiness is a choice

Look on the bright side

Smile

Fake it til you make it

Tiggers believe that their point of view is more socially valuable, more thoughtful, more realistic, and more morally admirable that that of Eeyores. They look for the good in every situation, in every person.

If your an Eeyore you say things like…

No one can be cheerful all the time. It’s fake.

Thinking the glass is always half full isn’t realistic. It’s elf-deception.

If someone asks me “How are You?” I’m going to tell them the truth, even if people don’t want an honest answer.

Authenticity is important to me. I hate phonies.

Eeyores believe that their point of view is more socially valuable, more valuable, more thoughtful, more realistic, and more real admirable than that of Tiggers.

Tensions arise when a Tiggers and a Eeyores strive to convert each other. The more they try to convince each other to adapt a different perspective, the more the other resists. Tiggers fear being dragged down by the Eeyores, and the Eeyores fear resentful and irritated by the Tiggers insistent cheer.

Earlier I wrote an article on Being around people who were headed in the direction you wanted your life to go. This is exactly what I meant. I’m not stating either one of these personalities are wrong one just has to chose the direction you want your life to go and stay on that path and build your future according.

It’s a common problem these days switching between apps on your phone, checking social media and messages and email, thinking about the million things you have to get done, but putting them off. Anything but staying focused on one task at a time.

I still have a hard time staying focused, I will admittedly go from one task to another, or trying to get everything I have on my to do list but it’s not getting anything done. We are are guilty at one time or another.

It’s a hard habit to break out of the mental habit of switching, being distracted letting the monkey mind jump from one thing to the next.

So how do you train your mind to stay more focused? It’s possible to get better at focusing, but don’t expect to be focused anywhere 100% of the time.

A Good Plan-

Start with the why. Why should you care about this. It’s best to give this a moment of thought before diving into any plan, because when things get uncomfortable, you have to know the why. Otherwise you will crumble at the first urge to switch.

This is important because constant switching and distraction leads to your time being wasted away, so that the day goes by and you have barely done anything important. You have procrastinated on the big tasks to take care of the little ones, and worse yet squandered the day in distractions. Your life is way to precious to waste, so you want to use your days better.

Staying focused on one task at a time, at least for some of the day, will help you get the important things done, studying, taking care of finances, cleaning, and so on. Those things tend to get pushed back, but staying on task will increase your effectiveness with the most important things by leap and bounds.

If your feeling stressed out by all you have to do, unhappy with your lack of focus then this one skill will help you turn that around in a huge way.

First thing in the morning, before you get on your phone or online, think about what you need to do that day. What would make the biggest difference in your life, if you have several it doesn’t matter just randomly choose one, you can get to the others later. Don’t waste time in indecision, the point is to practice with one task. This one task you choose today is your most important task.

Do a 15 minute focus session, get ready for your day, eat, meditation, workout, get those things done and be on your way. Start a 15 minute timer or track your 15 minutes.

You only have two choices. For these 15 minutes, you cannot switch to anything else (no checking email, messages, social media, doing other things etc.) only work on tasks for the day or sit and to nothing. Those are your only two options. Watch your urges to switch, but don’t follow them. You can use a accountability app, I write a do to list and check off the tasks as I get them done. Make yourself accountable. Even if you have at find a accountability partner.

That’s it one 15 minute focus session for two weeks pm if you do great add a second focus with a 10 minute break between sessions. If you have any trouble at all focus on one session 2 more weeks before adding a second.

After six weeks to two months, you should be doing good at doing 15 minute sessions, and you can add a third. Then a fourth when that gets easy. Stop there for awhile, and then add another session in the afternoon.

Turn-off your internet, disconnect from WiFi. Turn off your phone. This is the best method, don’t let yourself turn on anything else. Unless you need it for work. If you have an idea, a task you need to remember write it down you can get to those later. This helps you stay focused on work tasks.

Don’t allow yourself to rationalize putting off you session. It easy to say, “I’ll get to it in a bit,” but then you will be putting in off until late morning, and then the afternoon, and finally you are doing it at 8pm just to say you did it. This defeats the purpose of the practice. Watch your rationalizations and don’t fall for them.

That said, don’t aim for being perfect. There are some days when you just can’t do it. If something big came up where you don’t have time don’t stress about missing a day. Get back on it as soon as you can. Worrying about keeping a streak going in counterproductive.

If 15 minutes is to long, try 10 minutes. If that’s to long do 5 minutes and work your way up.

Increase your sessions as slowly as you can. There is no rush to do more. Focus on building a solid foundation.

Okay you have your session now get practicing.

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An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does.

A healed person understands that the actions of others has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Each day you get to decide which one it will be.

Above all else guard your heart and mind because everything you do flow from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity, keep corrupt talk from you lips. Let you eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left, keep your foot from evil. (proverbs 4: 23-27).

Your thoughts positive, negative, good, oror bad control your attitudes. Your attitudes are the sum total of your thoughts. Your attitudes lead to your actions.

Sosa thought, reap a deed. Sow a deed, reap a habit. Sow a habit reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

Before you can do a thing you have to think it. Your thoughts lead to attitudes; attitudes lead to actions; actions lead to those achievements. It all begins with the thought life. You achievements will be the sum of your thoughts.

If you believe in the holy bible. This is so fundamental that God destroyed an enter civilization because they had heart trouble. God saw the wickedness of people was great on the earth, and that every imagination of thoughts of his heart was evil continually. This caused Noah to build an ark and the great flood that destroyed them.

Focus on your thoughts so you can reframe them as needed. Practice recognizing it any time you’re thinking of something that might be changing your positive spirits. Once you recognize patterns of negative thoughts, you can change these into positive thoughts and continue your day in a positive way.

Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m doing the best I can right now.”

Instead of “I’m unable to do so many things,” remind yourself “I’m making good progress, and I’ve been able to spend time being there for someone. While it’s normal to get frustrated, I need to remember it’s not hopeless.”

Instead of “ I’m doomed to live like this forever,” try “While permanent problems are no fun, I’m making the best of my situation, and I will keep doing so.”

Instead of “ I’m a burden to my family,” say “I’m grateful for how supportive and help my family is. I give back to them in my own way.”

Praise yourself. Be happy about what you’ve achieved so far each day. Weather that’s putting your socks on or changing into pajamas, that me be a big step for you, so be proud of yourself.

Don’t stress about what you haven’t achieved yet. When you feel up to it you’ll continue your tasks. Not everything needs to done at once.

Relax. Sometimes you can start to feel negative if your feeling stressed or anxious. Take a few minutes to stop and take a break. Try some breathing exercises to help you get back to staying positive.

Give yourself time to feel your feelings. It’s okay not to be happy all the time. You’re allowed to experience emotions like sadness, frustration, worry, and anything else that might go through your head. Instead of suppressing your difficult feelings, take time to recognize and address them.

Hang out with family and friends. Having a distraction to desert your mind from negative thoughts is a great way to keep you feeling positive especially on rough days.

Even going out to dinner is a great way to keep positive and have some fun or having dinner at home.

Continue to do your favorite activities. Continuing with existing hobbies or other activities, as much as your pain allows, will help you stay positive through the enjoyment of doing them. Hobbies can also build up your self-esteem to help you keep a positive outlook on life.

Open up to someone you love. It’s natural to feel upset sometimes. Find a good listener and tell them how you feel. They can offer a listening ear and comfort you. Jut like you would want your love ones to come to you if they are feeding overwhelmed by a problem, you can count on them. If you aren’t sure if it’s a good time ask Hey, I’ve been feeling kind of down and I need to vent. Is now a good time.

Join a support group for people with chronic pain. Support groups are a great way to share how you are feeling with others who may be feeling a similar way. Others may be able to share techniques that they use to manage thoughts and help you to overcome feeling negative about yourself.

Talk to your doctor about your negative thoughts the doctor may be able to prescribe you something o give you more suited advice for staying positive while living with chronic pain. Remember get help immediately if you feel suicidal.